Only a fun, hormone driven and overwhelming urge like sex is capable of motivating human behavior to save the world from our unsustainable routines. This book is one man’s attempt to use sex to stimulate humans out of our dangerous sleep of routines.
Dedication
Thank you Silverleaves for being so brave and patient with my clumsy youthful self and I wish I had been more helpful to you. I’m sorry and thank you. I promise I’ll dance with you if I ever get to see you again.
I saw a performance of trained hawks at the Arizona Desert Museum where the trainer told me, the amazing aerial acrobats had to be coaxed out of their cages with their favorite food. The trainer said, the birds would sit in the cage satiated if they weren’t tempted with treats to fly and tumble in the sky. It probably has something to do with being captive and used as slaves for tourist performances but even so, this author thought those strong and young raptors would love streaking through the sky without being coaxed with frozen mice.
Knowing how much time, training and effort it took me, as a public school teacher, to get students to work on their assignments for thirty years, these birds made a real impression. Is it possible young healthy humans are unable to make themselves do work to develop exciting relationships and careers without overwhelming incentives and against their will? I did find many school administrators and counselors wouldn’t do what students need unless they were in trouble.
Think of how hard it is to make ourselves do new years resolutions. I wondered how many people never reached their potential because they weren’t rewarded at critical moments in their lives like the hawks were. Did society unintentionally make huge cultural errors by attempting to silence information about the things that make us happy like sex, in an attempt to protect generations of individuals from real and imagined side effects of intimacy.
Surely any individual at any reasonable age and even on his or her death bed might stimulate themselves or their partners with guiltless and satisfying thoughts or actions like hawks tumbling together out of the sky and catching the wind just avoiding the ground. If anyone is hopeful for satisfying excitement, why not start now? Even terribly wounded people certainly wish for an alternate life which would allow them to enjoy more music or a squeaking bed with someone they trust.
I think naturally stimulating things like wisdom, fitness and sex can begin for anyone at any time in our lives, starting at the level we are now. Most obstacles are in our head. Self-imposed obstacles interfere from the privacy of our internal thoughts, where instead, we could relax with our studies, activities and fantasies. Obstacles can be put under our control.
Psychology is
thoughts and actions which
stop us doing harm.
Any woman or man can motivate her family, community, country, and even the world to reach our potential if they understand and use creativity for a safe and limitless potential. Some individuals', understanding the restrictions of their community, may be inspired to save some money or energy and move to a less conservative community where he or she can help their dangerous hometown or homeland from a distance. But any obstacle must be met with creativity and persistence. Some people may have the most desperate choice to stand up and start walking to safety before they are too weak to do so. Others may have so many resources and options they are tempted by glut to waste their time and power. There must always be a way any of us could help our family, community or government.
If women and men were not overwhelmed by the understanding of how passionately we are by each other, we would never limit our mates' safe requests. We would attach the appropriate significance to the motivational tools we have at our control and rationally use the leverage to assist our partners to reach maximum creativity and productivity. Use life’s natural tools to pull ourselves, families and communities as high as we can in every kind of success rather than competing to hold each other next to us. This can be accomplished while lovers benefit from being lovingly ravaged with hormone driven enthusiasm by their learning, skilful and loving sweethearts. We do have to remember that we made mistakes before we knew what to do but we should consider ourselves lucky if we have a partner with which to start advancing ourselves objectively now.
The cycles and habits which stop most people using incentives to push ourselves or our family team up with love incentives is a lack of information and the bewildering misinformation available about relationships and sex. Even provided with a short list of sexual ideas, most of us pick and choose from the skills we somehow acquired at an early age. We reassure ourselves as often as we need to that we love correctly. Then we defend our lazy and even dangerous habits with humiliation and anger against those who try to help, or the lovers who want more from us.
Our present level of knowledge seems unchangeable when it’s suggested we attempt to add to our pallet of communication or love making. This author suggests that the power to improve relationships, family, community and the world are limitless if we choose to exit the comfort of remaining the same. We can’t miss our chance to fly out of our cages. Don’t expect an ideal mate to be attracted to you and stay with you without a wide open transparent habit of communication including whatever level of sex we are capable of, which keeps us adaptive and improving.
Use life’s natural tools
Lift ourselves, families and our
communities up.
If individuals feel they will be too wounded or offended by suggestions, descriptions or ideas about physical and/or mental sexual habits proceed with caution. If you think you are unable to tolerate these concepts due to advanced age or lack of previous exposure there is still a way to use this book. If you think you are unable to change because of your culture, beliefs or overseers, you should read cautiously, picking and choosing from the table of contents to meet your individual needs or curiosities. You have only yourself to blame if you choose to read more than you can handle.
Some people think that change is impossible for them and consider new habits a threat. Those people can pick and choose specific sexual topics which are not so shocking and build up to more sexual variety without being discouraged from the normal improvements that should continue throughout our lifetimes.
Many ideas in this book will seem obvious and unnecessary to those who have experience with them, but some may take offense at the least mention of a sexual topic. This variation in the population is part of the reason this book is so necessary.
Our goal in life is not to become the same as everyone else, but to be aware of what is available, so we can make fulfilling personal choices and practice what we decide to become. It is this author’s belief that safe but challenging sex education must be the catalyst to make enough people practice new behaviors and learn from their growth to start a movement. We created this dangerous world with lazy wounded greed and we can practice all the skills we need to save it if the rewards are exciting enough. What other reason could it be that some politicians act so strategically without ethics other than they feel they missed out on the natural sexuality they postponed till now they think it is unavailable. Power is rewarding but not when it’s only motivated by wasted youth wounds and becomes unbalanced without sweet hopefulness.
You will second guess
my motives because most guys
get off on just talk.
It’s a huge challenge to write about sex without offending someone. So, this author will repeat the warning, that anyone who chooses to read on, must take the responsibility to judge throughout the whole book word by word, whether you think a line of thought is leading to a concept with which you wish to avoid. Control yourself and STOP READING if you fear becoming offended in a way which will cause you to isolate or become vengeful. This author doesn’t take responsibility for the choices you made in your life or the experiences which were forced on you, which have made you uncomfortable with the natural means of reproduction and the intimacy associated with it. Sex evolved to be so appealing, it reminds us to enjoy it often enough to proliferate as a species. Sex and intimate touching have been successful for millions of years convincing mates to bond and potentially stay together to meet the needs of our dependent offspring.
But people who are inexperienced with sex or plagued with bad memories of bad first experiences, can mortally wound those who are experienced or inexperienced, out of jealousy or adherence to traditions. So, this author wishes to tactfully let the reader know that the subject of sex will be thoroughly addressed in a non-pornographic way. He hopes to explain how understanding and practicing sex will coax the people of the world into a team capable of fending off procrastination in all aspects of our lives. The goal is to enjoy becoming energetic and prolific world citizens, even if we have had unsuccessful introductions to life and sex so far.
Wounded people have
tools available to heal
themselves and others.
Most people don’t do any more than they have to and never experience doing more than is convenient. My Dad used to say, "almost everyone is essentially asleep, even when they are driving dangerous cars to work.” We need an incentive system that can compete with television, video games and opioids to help us enjoy a more active and prolific life. At this point in history, with many well-known individuals losing their jobs because of real or perceived sexual conduct we could mistake sex as our enemy. That would be a dangerous way to look at it, because sex got us this far, as we worked our lives away in hopes of sex and as we risked everything in hopes and fantasies of perfect love. There’s no reason we clever humans shouldn’t start reaping the rewards of our amazing level of development, by actually enjoying sex instead of having it dangled in front of us our whole lives.
We have all read and watched the ruined careers of statesmen and industry leaders. Shamed leaders could have used the family influence or money which gave them the leg up to do great things if they weren't embarrassed by popular gossip or media setting expectations for bossy or sex without appropriate maturity. What if information about masterbation kept singles from becoming addicted or self harming and they did not have their self images shaped by inappropriate labels on internet images. Imagine how many singles came to think of themselves as interested in incest because of how pornographers market images of attractive young people. Or imagine how many people have never been confident having someone kiss their privates because caffeine kept them borderline incontinent. There are many stories that go untold because of the secretive way most of humanity deals with sex. But this author expects a new movement brought about by the urgency of our polluted planet and our poorly educated majority. The availability of information which much of our species is just beginning to use correctly can continue to be used to justify war and negatively effect world elections or it may change things for the better. As long as National Public Radio (NPR), NHK, the PBS Newshour and (C-Span) can continue to search for objectivity, the public has access to attempts at truth and education.
Just because false information about sex can sink a thousand ships doesn’t change the fact that it can’t also launch a million more when we are armed with the right information. This author trusts accurate and stimulating knowledge of sex as a motivational tool and as a reward for our efforts. Let’s try to motivate unlimited manhours and alertness where our species have fallen into numbness. We can be clever enough to choose how we are going to use the force that creates, maintains and leaves us with happy memories of life.
Those individuals who want to use this book as an instructional or stimulating guide to sex acts can go straight to the descriptions about which they are curious. But those who may have encountered interruptions to sexual growth may want to read the whole thing through to discover any short-cuts, explanations or rationale for getting past conflicts which you and others have encountered. You are not alone in this world without an instruction manual for the most misunderstood yet important relationship building tool.
Women given as
many orgasms as men
give more orgasms
Be Honest with Your Response to Any Issue
This author is not suggesting that the above list is a complete or even perfectly accurate manual of sexual satisfaction and happiness. But ask yourself which of the above statements you chose to believe? If you are like most people, you believed only the ones you believed before you read the list. This author hopes you will consider shifting your personal paradigm and becoming a paradigm shifter yourself using the knowledge of sexuality to change the world, starting with you.
The Authors definitions:
‘The Love Incentive’ is a purposeful title with the goal of spreading itself contagiously, quickly and eliminating the need for the book itself as soon as possible.
To the author, love means everything good about relationships from concern about another person's future, (which is the love we have for most people), to the sex acts which only intimately trusting people should risk and enjoy. Love implies forever. This author didn’t know this when he was young. Every relationship is going to cause unhappiness if it ends, whether the long-term outcome is better for it to end or not. The end of love hurts every time. Still we must risk practicing, and some are better than others at knowing when to say goodbye or who to stay with forever.
Incentive means, everything from the internal goals created in rebellion against authority, to motivated training from authority and/or life experience. Incentives can be self-directed personal practices or tricks used to move one's self toward personal goals.
This author wanted to get up the nerve to travel across the country and told everyone he knew the specific date he would leave. When that day came, he packed his backpack, a box of breakfast cereal and asked his best friend for a ride out to the highway. It was a dangerous move which certainly hurt his parent’s feelings but three months on the road and exposure to every kind of citizen changed his life in ways he doesn't think anything else would have. Dangerous risk is not what is being recommended here. Only thoughtful change leveraged with clever incentives. I don’t think I would have left my comfortable house for the discomforts of the road if I hadn’t told everyone I was leaving. That was a powerful incentive that worked that one time just as my clever brain has thought of ways to trick myself into doing what I didn’t feel like doing my whole life.
When this author's father read poetry to him and his brothers as children "brotherly love", "fellow man", "never met a man I didn't like" and so on, were common concepts in the literature his father chose. These lofty poetic ideas can serve as incentives to share similar experiences with others in our daily routines. This author has clung to ideas which his parents repeated and spoke of with a hopeful enthusiasm.
The word incentive came after exposure to its meaning in his productive family. With four male siblings who had to be corralled and encouraged by their busy parents, my Mom and Dad recognized early that some of the job of keeping us safe and happy had to come from within ourselves as we became independent. The author's parents knew they couldn't protect their boys all day and night forever, as much as they would like to.
They are good examples but also came up with mind games, for want of a better phrase, with which we kept ourselves out of irreversible troubles and traps. A pessimist would describe my parents as Machiavellian or manipulative. An optimist would describe their corrections as safety lessons, cautionary adaptations or artful parenting. The author's parents didn't talk that much, but when they did they were cleverly leading the group as a team into some activity. Anyone observing our family would not see us as being led, but as moving from one adventure to the next as an interesting herd. Mom and Dad were quietly pulling the strings and training us, with their example, to be safe and to have as much fun as humanly possible. Dad knew he couldn't tell us to do something and have committed participation, but he could start working on something and have planned roles he could assign each of us knowing we couldn't help ourselves but ask to help - "whitewash the fence in just a particular way".
The author was exposed to the benefits of clever incentives early and then as he matured and moved away from his clever family, he found there is a dark side of which he was unaware and he also found that sex is the ultimate incentive for adults. I will discuss the dark side later but most of this book addresses his ongoing discovery that very successful people around him make use of sex the way he did to push himself to become an educated and prolific citizen.
The author might never have completed this book if he hadn’t told everyone he was going to do so in a year. If those individuals read this book, they will know they were part of its completion.
Before I describe the awesome sexual variety possible between trustworthy lovers, I should point out some human tendencies. Again, the reader should advance cautiously if you feel illustrations of the present reality will cripple your progress. It’s your responsibility to expose yourself to the portions of this book which will be entertaining and will coax you toward the exciting habits which revitalize your personal life with gradually challenging steps you’ve decided to be motivated by.
The subtitle of this book suggests something audacious. Everyone knows how dangerous the world has become, but how can something as dangerous as sex fix the world? Human trafficking, crudely motivated war and world economies ruled by an unethical few are some of the problems that can be motivated by sex or can interrupt sex. The two most powerful motives which drive all life systems are the attempt to get out of responsibility and the processes associated with reproduction. Entropy vs. Sex!
With billions of people attempting to get out of as much effort as possible, the earth’s resources cannot support them. Humans will have to use their creativity to convince or trick themselves into producing and cooperating instead of avoiding responsibility and fighting over the few remaining easy to get resources. We know that we primates are capable of self destruction when given complete access to the pleasure center of our brains. This is exemplified by the monkey experiments in which the animals died at the lever, which was directly connected to the pleasure center of their brains, if they have no other stimulation in the cage. We sophisticated humans must be provided with safe and accurate instruction early in life about the dangers and power of anything as naturally appealing as sex.
Leaders give fairness
then adjust to the changes
exposed by fairness.
Then, as adults, we can also be stimulated and trained to use the overwhelming power of sex to make the world safe and fun. Sex instruction must be clear and appealing to be equal to the level of potential danger inherent in it. That’s why it is hoped that anyone wishing to jump straight to the sex descriptions later in the book are certainly invited to do so, but with caution.
Sexual responsibility must be taught in a developmentally appropriate way to the learners. Given unlimited access to pornography on the internet, youngsters would end up like the monkeys in the experiment - those who didn't die with one hand on the keyboard might end up thinking many of the violent extremes they found online were legitimate choices.
Early sex education is as simple as letting kids know they will have sex alone (self stimulation) until they are grown up. They are not made to feel guilty when they naturally discover stimulating themselves, but they need to know sex is private and it has other limits.
When we approach our teens, we should receive positive messages about sex and loving relationships. Messages describing how wonderful it will be some day, when we have a partner we have known long enough to trust, and a place where we can experiment undisturbed and comfortably. This will let young people know sex requires significant maturity for those relationships and resources for the comfortable location. Coincidentally we need the same relationships and resources as we do for child rearing. Young folks should be pleasantly and repeatedly informed that their potential offspring must have mature, educated and economically stable parents to pass on appropriate opportunities to their children. They should be informed that sex with their first partner, which is likely to come before their attempts to have children, can be 100% contraceptive if they know enough about the human body.
Then, according to the maturity level of the individual, a maturing young person should learn everything they can about the joys and traps of sex. Human kind has avoided sexual instruction throughout history due, in part, to superstition and parental overprotectiveness.
The recent preoccupation with pedophilia and it’s use as a political tool of attack can probably be understood as a misdirected guilt about our first sexual childhood thoughts and acts. As universal as childhood sexual thoughts and ideas are, they are hard to remember and just exciting enough to lie in wait for triggering by catch phrases and ambiguous declarations by unscrupulous seekers of power and influence. There are already enough self-destructive individuals who never felt comfortable giving up memories of their childhood experimentation for developmentally appropriate sexual partners without politicians using that lack of psychological information to unify the poorly educated majority on this subject with knee jerk catch phrases and implications against their political rivals. Being realistic about sex and developmental psychology might have saved a whole nation from imagining the unimaginable in the nonexistent basement of a pizza parlor.
Mis and disinformation has led to kids having kids as and the natural tendency for opposite sexes to compete for power in their relationships using sex as a weapon. Some think, if their partners knew what they were thinking they might not get any sex. Or to avoid physical exercise and intimate conversations, couples learn only the most boring portions of the sexual palette and spend their lives attempting to mold their sexual partners into the limited sexual roles they discovered without effort. Some males and females find distorted sexual enjoyment inflicting limitations or forced sexual variety with which they salvage their sexual self-esteem.
Inexperienced men can think they are big superstars when they get the women to do some little thing which most experienced women love to do ordinarily. And inexperienced women think it's important to "the future of the relationship" when they take on projects or philosophies which stop their men from having sex when and how they want it. The sexual frustration reported in forty to fifty percent of relationships happens to coincide with the forty to fifty percent of unsuccessful relationships and/or marriages and this can be devastating when the couple has kids.
Couples who do research and experiment with sex in healthy and variety-filled ways find sex to be one of the most powerful bonds they can fall back on through the inevitable hardships later in life.
Human kind has avoided sexual instruction throughout history due, in part, to the roles government, religion and other authority forces have played in attempting to create sexual peace in communities. Humans have stopped labeling the jilted sexual partners of powerful men as witches and burning them alive. However, males in some Asian countries still throw acid in the faces of their past lovers in the name of family honor and so no one else will have them.
Government funded projects probably no longer withhold treatment from African Americans purposefully infected with venereal disease in the name of research, but there is no end of examples of the length to which various officials or spouses will go to destroy the lives and bodies of the unfortunate individuals who are suspected of the local culturally unpopular sex roles or infidelity.
It's perfectly understandable why approximately fifty percent of the population makes no attempt to discover wholesome education about what is safe and valuable sexually between consenting adults. Humans will require nothing less than a paradigm shift in sexual communication to meet our needs as a species. We can't use fanatic mythological stories or fantastic romantic concepts to distract young individuals from sexual contact any more. But because of the wonderful innovations in information delivery such as the internet, social media and entertainment media, we can overcome our tradition of sexual neglect. We can use the overwhelming natural power of sex as an incentive to unify and empower the all-important family by keeping the parents motivated to please each other. Most people know how important the family is and this author is suggesting a way we can promote global, limitless mobility and productivity when enough of the population is not brooding about their missed opportunities.
The simple answer to the poor communication between males and females regarding sex is education and practice, just like every other skill.
The obstacles to getting a sexual instruction program started within most cultures include exaggerated fear of the very real dangers associated with sex, such as rape, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), unwanted pregnancy and primitive traditions which persist unchanged from our superstitious past.
The attempt to control our intense biological requirement to procreate has inadvertently been the source of over-reactive laws and traditions. These attempts to stop sexually transmitted disease and sexual offenses have not been effective or ethically disbursed.
The rich do what they
wish and the poor receive the
cruel consequences.
Part of the over reaction to the sexual urge throughout history is to restrict the very education which is going to be needed to end the danger of disease and sexual violence. This cycle of silence and persecution is dangerous, as inappropriate information is available to most children on the internet, popular films and TV. This leads to adults who were raised with adolescent humor and pornography as their sexual goal with all its confusing options. Imagine what a young person thinks when their famous heroes and representatives brag about grabbing body parts without permission.
Many people, married or not, are not dealing with sexual urges as a couple and masturbate when they could share the loving moment with a partner. If they were motivated to communicate above the traditions and lazy habits, anyone would rather stimulate their partner than have them fantasize alone. This half of masturbating individuals can easily find unhealthy images of sex associated with everything from violence to human excrement and children. It could be tempting to toy with free speech by allowing some appropriately monitored government office to extract these images from the internet and other media, but there are ways to encourage individuals to safely stimulate themselves and encourage educated sexual relationships before and after they find partners.
Simply put, individuals who attend to their mental and physical needs can develop healthy sexual goals no matter who or what they have available to them. Not everyone becomes addicted to fast food even though it is cheap and ubiquitous. Not everyone becomes addicted to drugs despite their availability. There is enough information about and access to good food and healthy life choices to keep us all safe and happy. There is enough variety within the healthy and legal sexual choices to keep us aroused throughout our life long sexual learning process. The result of the monkey experiments, mentioned earlier, was that monkeys who were offered the lever to stimulate their pleasure center did not succumb to stimulation suicide, if they had a stimulating environment including mates available. We tend to choose life over addicted death when we are given opportunity. It may very well be that human culture is in a stimulation suicide spiral of which only education in the most fundamental life skills can pull us out.
Dangerous sexual practices can begin in thousands of ways and so the education of the public will have to be just as diverse. One common example to illustrate this point is if an individual masturbates for long periods and he or she postpones urinating excessively, that individual can begin to associate the elimination of urine with sex. They can take those confused fantasies into future masturbations and even into sexual relationships. This is cruelly disappointing to potential mates who can't understand why their partner would want to have urine as part of their love making. On the other hand, individuals who read that explanation about how they can become interested in urine as part of a sex act will certainly never be tempted when the source of the ridiculous habit is so obvious. Very few people will want pee in their sex when they realize it came from masturbating when they need to go to the bathroom. There are apparently very famous people who haven’t learned this important lesson in their youth.
Another way to negatively shape our fantasies was also mentioned before, with excessive or unhealthy kinds of pornography. It’s not that there are no good examples of visual stimulation on the internet. There are examples where partners are not bossing each other around or harming each other. But the complex effects of the majority of violent and/or short sighted visual stimulation online can have unexpected outcomes.
Some people can take advantage of individuals who have bad sex habits because they are easy to take advantage of by meeting the need for that one hard to find and misguided sex habit. They have an unfair advantage in the relationship.
Most people understand this obstacle to satisfying sex from spy movies when a woman spy uses some unusual sexual interest to manipulate another spy. But we do not see our own personal self-destructive sex habits. They are often invisible to us. That’s where psychology enters the picture. Developmental psychology can allow us to anticipate and prepare for the range of skills we are likely to need at various stages in our lives. And if we are already very old we can have closure with the scientific explanation for the things we did wrong and the things we did well. It can be comforting to know what’s likely to happen or to finally be relieved of the guilt we needlessly held against ourselves for mistakes most people have in common.
Individuals who are exposed to sex or sex talk and/or images too young can begin to associate sex with individuals who are the age and type they were at their inappropriately young exposure. So those effected by any extremes like pornographic paedophiles, bestiality, human excrement or any other unhealthy acts will have challenges developing healthy adult relationships.
As reluctant as our government has been to meet the needs of drug addicts and the mentally ill, individuals are going to have to educate themselves in personal sex psychology and shape their futures to the kind of citizenship which humans need to survive and excel.
Some attempt to remove the most dangerous images, videos and interactive web pornography must be taking place by someone, but that’s not enough to replace personal self control brought about by educational experiences. Sometimes it’s as simple as learning we should have gone to the bathroom to relieve ourselves, even when engrossed in masterbating so we didn’t think pee was sexy. Sometimes it’s as simple as learning it was perfectly acceptable to have talked to or experimented sexually with our playmates when we were small, but that we should have been more assertive or confident about meeting progressively older mates as we grew and not remained developmentally stunted.
This author’s education was both accidental and purposeful exposure to books and magazines and only luckily turned out as well as it did because of loving women and the ethics provided from his family.
It has been tempting to avoid sex education throughout the centuries and it has never been as successful as it could be to assist young people through such a dangerous concept. It has certainly not been used as well as it could be as an incentive to make the world safe and fun. The best lessons in any subject are intoxicating to the learner in school and in life. But what can we do when the convenient unhealthy images and foods have created nations of unhealthy individuals. The fact that these masses and even most of the world population need education makes the education methods even more important.
Due to the lack of communication/education rampant in our present communities, individuals depend on moments of peer pressure, inhibition or intoxication to get them past the initial awkwardness of sex. Quite often the subsequent pregnancy and/or mental and physical wounds go on to destroy the individual's first and future relationships. This book attempts to begin a new era of communication with the understanding that our relatively short human life cycle requires that we attract a mate, extend the period of sexual experimentation long enough to create a grateful bond between potential parents and then procreate when it is financially possible and sustainable. There are those who don’t want to have a family, but most want a satisfying sex life which is accomplished with the same developmental sequence.
Many people think it is impossible to inform individuals about these critical life steps and there are popular and confusing phrases about how, “if you wait till it’s right you won’t do it”, as if we just have kids without preparation. That is nonsense when the lives of children are at stake. We can do things in a way that is mature and exciting at the same time.
If we compare sex education to public education, we can see that even with millions of administrators in administrative offices and millions of teachers directly addressing children in the classroom, the states and communities perform poorly on standardized tests every year. Administrators can be found fighting off sleep until evaluation time when they list their contributions with bright eyes. Teachers have their professional choices narrowed each time the administration must demonstrate their value. If government representatives attempt to address the poorly functioning schools they are made powerless by their family members who are employed as teachers and administrators in the school system.
The complexity of looking into such a complicated system where each member is fighting for their livelihoods whenever a light is shined on them is really only kept afloat by the few dedicated teachers who create and maintain a climate of academics which comes from total absorbing relationships with the learners. Now imagine attempting to add objective sex education to such a monolithic system kept alive with an unappreciated few.
For decades the only thing many states have been able to do is cut the whole education budget. The resources get removed from the classroom because administrators certainly will not adjust their budgets to make sure the next generation gets the practice they need to succeed and excel. School Principals are put in the terrible position of insulting the forty thousand dollar a year, experienced teachers and replacing them with two or three twenty or thirty thousand a year, new graduates or teacher assistants. It’s a recipe for the end of a nation and there is little room in that equation for objectivity with regards to using sex as an incentive to fix the world. Adults have to care for each other creating a healthy community for the schools to be run by mentally fulfilled and healthy professionals. Trustworthy information has to come from trustworthy adults who got that way with access to appealing and accurate information.
Fast food and pornography can be eliminated from the equation when generous adults create a cycle of rewards by meeting each other’s sexual needs. Men will become fit and don't want or need pornography when they are motivated and trained to kiss their mate’s privates and receive the same as often as they would have masturbated. Women are excited to become fit and give daily sexual variety to a fit man who has the energy and interest to meet her emotional, familial needs. Even though sex is not visible to the children, a clear message of intimacy and caring are associated with the success of the family and community over time. So in a way it’s true that the home is the place to learn about sex, like traditionalists have said without explanation for generations. But we need a demystifying and still attractive source which competes with porn, games and drugs for the details.
To accomplish this, our living spaces, our choices of food and activities must be situated to make it hard to be lazy and easy to be fit and exciting. The only TVs in our living spaces should be near a place where we can exercise or near exercise equipment if we can afford it. There should be little more than a bed near the bed. The computers are communal, visible in the house and only perfect food that looks like it did as it grew is in the kitchen. That means more fruit and vegetables and less of everything else. If this seems over simplified, you will find that many of the best things in life aren't actually free but surprisingly lost from our habits in spite of their healing value. If the only thing in the bedroom is our bed, we humans tend to find entertainment with what is in front of us. It could take months, or we could jump right into stimulating each other manually while we discuss the things we used to discuss in front of the television.
Liberal/Conservative Cultures and Plagues:
If we look back in time, there are obvious swings back and forth from the liberal to the conservative movements and back again. Cultures respond to the extremes with which the pendulum of popularity or propaganda swings.
If discussing political issues offends you, please skip to the next chapter. The author is going to try to apply a political motive and scenario about sharing sex education to the larger populations.
If a culture becomes very conservative and defunds education in the name of shrinking government excess, sometimes poorly educated citizens become lax about self control and they memorize sound bites passed down from those in power. When the pendulum rebels by swinging far to the liberal side it often supplies education to the populace and threatens the wealthiest members of society with a generation of teachers, lawyers and rebels. Authoritarians then attempt to cling to the financial and political strings with which they gather resources and hold out till they can fund another popular swing to the conservative side. According to who is in power during each of these political swings, the needs of the people are met or not by the leadership, but neither side will risk their position in power by discussing sex education with any real teeth.
When our conservative leaders become too powerful, and fundamentalists begin to take away our liberty, then there is another swing. Taxes are raised by the liberals to assist the uneducated majority which conservatives neglected, until enough loopholes are found by the rich lobbies and the desperate masses swing the pendulum again. Many individuals hide in third parties that disrupt the election process with idealistic or extremist sound bites. Even though those third parties do perform the valuable purpose exposing the desires of the population for the liberals and conservatives to learn from. Venders side with financially controllable conservatives causing inflation citizens see as a mark against the liberal leadership and the swinging continues until the only real answer is objective education.
With the advent of networked computers as available as our phones, we can meet the individualized educational needs of every person. When the population is unified in the goal of educating the people, we will extract funding for individualized education from our leaders and become ethical with the limitless power of knowledge.
If we don’t incur the wrath of our neglected mother earth in the next few years, there is time to have people and computers determine objectively what jobs are available and who is going to fill them as robots have started to do the tasks we no longer wish to do. An empathic leader can focus funds at the correct priorities to educate individuals how to be healthy and prolific citizens instead of hiding in fear and trying to survive or hoard all they can. Part of a well-rounded education, enlightens everyone about the resources, and the responsibilities at the same time. When there is a realistic and contagious curriculum addressing sex, it will be an important part of the information a caring government can help to disburse. People must understand in a real way, that with the pleasures of sex comes calculable risks but that we are all capable of more than our ancestors. We can wield the most powerful tools with confidence and artistry.
The spontaneity is not lost when we are educated fully because it cannot be lost from such a fundamental tool of nature as sex. But actual understanding like that of an engineer or an artist can be shared objectively about sex just as well as it can be about any other human behavior. Everyone knows the difference between what they learned and forgot in classes and the lesson they have learned and warn others about from life in general.
Sex education could be the catalyst that makes enough people practice new behaviors and learn from that growth how to practice other skills. They’ll learn that they need to be alert to avoid being ripped off in many aspects of life. Preparing ourselves to be informed users of cars, the internet and physicians is easier when we have experience doing anything with precision. With something as dangerous as sex, the instruction will have to be failsafe.
Whole cultures have been wiped out by sexually transmitted disease in rebellion against conservative leadership and/or to the indulgence of colonial periods of history. Sexually educating the majority is too inconvenient and politically dangerous for either party to take on. So, our leaders just dump or withhold vast amounts of money on the public schools when it makes them look good, which continues the deadly swinging of the conservative/liberal pendulum. Even public education may reap the benefits of a world alerted to precise sex education.
Relatively educated individuals, like ourselves, have caused the spread of disease and miserable deaths of billions, over thousands of years, because the urge is so strong that we so often take sex to excess in our ignorance.
In our secret thoughts we want to think we are going to get good sex someday and ironically, many of us don't want to mess up the possibility by discussing it with anyone. We are just waiting for the right moment to really enjoy sex and other liberated excitements. And then we get old.
Ideally, we will all be so educated that we would understand how dangerous and pleasurable sex is and objectively eliminate the dangers of sex while benefiting from the pleasure as a powerful incentive.
We want sex so much
we’ll learn complicated things
when we might not have.
Often, young people ruin or complicate their whole futures in an attempt to force unrealistic romantic moments when they are really feeling them under the influences of hormones, peer pressure, drugs, alcohol and/or fantasy ideas they get from the media or church.
We are all confident that we deserve sexy excitement, whether it is the ridiculous 72 virgins of Islam martyrs, or a satisfying bounce in the sack with our husband or wife. Freud was profoundly correct about at least one thing. Everything is about sex. Sex Power can kill or launch cultures and now that the world is shrinking into one potentially beautiful eclectic culture, sex will either kill or launch mankind.
Many cultures have beautiful sexual sculptures on their abandoned temples and palaces. The Asian, Greek and Roman erotic ceramic and mosaic art is a testament to how open minded and/or aware the wealthy portion of the populations became before anyone knew about the innocent microscopic bacterial and viral killers which destroy their hosts (STDs). Those innocent bugs and viruses take advantage of fluid swapping opportunities they use to meet their reproductive imperative. Bacteria and viruses need to reproduce to survive and don’t know they are destroying human lives.
Some indigenous tribes were said to have had, "Husbands who were not jealous." and the remains of their cultures are now in the basement of museums because European bacteria and viruses have the same need to procreate which we humans have.
This author intends to convince the readers that we human beings have developed to the point that we can turn history on its ear by using our overwhelming sexual imperative to launch humankind into our safely limitless potential and win the battle with diseases and traditions which wage war against sexual incentives. We can have the sex which is worth fantasizing about if we educate ourselves, balancing the conservative traditions and liberal relationships.
It’s no secret that both men and women are vulnerable with regards to sex, but it’s amazing how single-minded individuals become when considering just the male's point of view or just the female's point of view.
When we discuss the extraordinary intimate psychological challenge, it can be for women to physically receive the male into their bodies, we completely forget the extraordinary psychological dependency men have on visual and mental images to stimulate the erection which makes that entry possible. On one hand, new relationships require men to woo and reassure their way into the females’ confidence. On the other hand, stable relationships require dependable and elaborate wooing/reassurance for the woman at least once a month for life. Then to complete the picture we need at least thirty minutes of mutual adoration a day for the life of the relationship even if it happens as we drift into sleep at night.
On one hand new relationships require women to quickly show clear appreciation when the male is on the right track to meeting her expectations. But then when she does accept the male as her mate, she needs to spend thirty or so minutes a day pampering the male’s erections, teaching him how to, and then letting him stimulate her, for the rest of their lives together. Don’t give up if you didn’t know how much you were needed before this.
Most men need to know they are going to get some sex to achieve a healthy erection, but if the same males or females are not clever enough to make it both dependable and interesting, the partners lose much of their incentive to meet each other's needs.
The male and the female have almost complete control of their partner’s incentive to excel in life if they can remain or make themselves fit enough for exciting cunnilingus and fellatio. This isn’t immediately going to happen to everyone and even when a man or woman does make their bodies appealing, many men must be educated to enjoy passionately kissing that part of the woman's body and vice versa. Ironically and cruelly many couples have so few sexual experiences before the woman gets pregnant neither the male nor the female ever learn how to please each other sexually. That’s a lack of education.
When many women gain weight from their first child and they think they are never going to be satisfied sexually it becomes very annoying to participate in men's orgasms. It’s sometimes relatively more pleasurable for the woman to manipulate the man by limiting access to his pleasure. You may be able to imagine or remember that kind of long term controlling foolishness from your own experience.
Men begin practicing stimulating their own orgasms very young, but many women are discouraged from a similar self exploration, because they are the ones who can become pregnant. Inexperienced parents are mostly unaware of what to do when they discover their daughters rubbing themselves. It can easily be lumped among the other habits which are classified as private, like changing clothes or sleeping. A polite and confident word from a parent can often relegate self stimulation to private status in one message.
When we hear the millions of jokes throughout history about men hiding in their work from family, we forget about the millions of jokes about the subtle and direct ways that women avoid sex after marriage.
We have to remember both the male and the female at the same time. Sex is a team challenge which doesn’t always match with many of the popular sex mythologies, jokes and folklore about sex. Women confidently state that trusting husbands should just, "Do what they say!" and bossy men go to violent extremes to control hopeful women. Those caught up in one extreme are totally unaware of the suffering of others, even in their own families. There is not enough honest communication about sex. This author will attempt to be much more honest and objective than any author that the reader has ever read.
It may be that this author’s lack of experience as a writer will provide the freedom to get to the details which experienced authors would have learned to avoid. Let’s hope so, because so much depends on the change this author wishes to make in the world.
Use the power of nature:
Everyone has a point in their lives when they are struck with the thought "Everything is about sex!" Most life forms depend on the overwhelming sexual attraction between male and female. So much so that most animals and uneducated humans didn't even know it is sex which caused their mate’s pregnancy and yet they still procreate because it feels so good. They just know they are very excited around individuals of the opposite sex (or whoever they first had the opportunity to become aroused by). They also notice that some parts of their mate feel better than others when they rub them together with their own.
Even people who are educated enough to know that babies come from sex often don't know why they feel so ‘out of control’ when they think of the subject of sex. It is because of that tradition and hormone induced excitement so many women think they are very smart when they take advantage of immature men by dating, dancing and/or having sex for money. It's because of that powerful basic mating urge inexperienced men think they are very smart when they waste their time and money thinking they are controlling women for the chance of any kind of touchless or bossy sexual arousal they have learned by themselves.
Neither males nor females should be considered smart for controlling each other with sex. Monkeys manipulate each other with sex whilst educated humans can develop trusting relationships where partners fulfill each other.
At present close to half of all men and women are trapped in unsatisfying roles and are too lazy to escape their routines to become excited or productive. Other women and men who have chosen to be productive or excited as individuals often remain alone in their private lives because they are inexperienced, uneducated or unwilling to train and be trained by a partner in a trusting and generous relationship. If the reader of this book has children, you know how often the child will not accept simple life instructions from the parent, but will adapt instantly to the suggestion of others. In the same way a mate is often unwilling to accept information about sex from his or her partner.
When this obstinate tendency is recognized it is best to describe it directly with your partner and if the partner is unwilling or unable to adjust to our healthy wishes we must improve our communication skills, refine our sexual goals and/or find someone with similar goals. Sex is one of the most important communication systems, so if your mate will not participate in the healthy sexual goals you enjoy, it has to be thought of the same way as a potential partner who will not learn the most common language or do their share of the chores. The most unfortunate excuse this author has heard for avoiding a healthy participation is that, “those who don’t accept their reason for building up to sexual growth are ableist”. The human brain is extraordinary at avoiding effort just like the captive hawks cowering in the back of the cage.
Communication is the answer to everything. If you have kids, they are going to be just like you in most of the important ways because they do what they see and not always what you say. So, we keep moving forward and up as a good example all our lives. That is the most powerful communication we have. Kids know when the parents are good communicators who trust each other. Even though they won't see their parents' most intimate behavior, they learn from the subtle lifetime of courtship which parents or guardians share.
A woman with healthy self confidence can feel trapped by relationships unless she is adored with the security of her choice. The man feels trapped unless he receives the appreciation of his choice. Set the mutual limits where they are safe but still fun and you will become prolific in all aspects of your life because there will be appropriate rewards for your efforts. You will reward each other effortlessly when you are both testing the limits of your interests. A woman asked the author if he was into extreme sports, as if that kind of activity was important to her. The author asked what she thought of as extreme sports. The woman answered river cliff diving, climbing and trail riding. When the author said that he had done all those things and only considered them to be sports, the woman seemed very satisfied with his answer. That could have been a great relationship if there weren’t such differences about superstition. But that’s just the author’s perspective.
Sex is something of an extreme sport in that it is risky and requires great trust. We need trusting relationships and the resources for privacy where a woman can forget herself while mouthing her mate’s privates or sharing any of her openings in a truly confident and mutually satisfying way.
A satiated and trusting relationship can assist a man with the confidence to assume the masculine and often assertive role that assists him in his careers and satisfies at least some of his mate’s fantasies. Satiated and trusting security will allow a woman to be proud enough and excited enough to pour herself into sexual variety and provide her with the satisfaction which allows her to move among less mature individuals she meets outside their relationship to the successes of her choice. We can go out and get our work done when we feel lucky that our sexual partner is going to pamper us at home after our work day. That’s just the opposite of many jobs from which we need relief.
Individuals, who have shaped their habits in lonesome response to their survival needs, bending to the sexual roles of ‘popular culture' or who are slaves to peer pressure, can adopt confusing sexual roles for as long as they can afford it. Throughout history most sexual roles were shaped by the simple needs of procreating couples who had to learn their roles in the face of survival and child rearing. Some extreme adjustments to the traditional roles can weaken the objective durability of nature’s incentives. But almost any adjustment can be rationalized to meet the needs of individuals. Humans who don’t know how easy they’ve got it, compared to their ancestors, can get spoiled and kinky with plenty of time to justify in favor of their distractions.
A survivor of war might rightfully specialize in cunnilingus if his lower body is damaged. But we can also train ourselves inadvertently to enjoy something which limits our choices of mates. Popular sex roles gain their popularity in cycles and what seems so cool and seems to be unique to our generation has already been through hundreds of popularity cycles and may have even wiped out whole cultures if they promote illness or violence. In the 60s there were very popular musicians who espoused androgynous lifestyles in their music but when the author attempted to mimic one of the musician’s behavior he disappointed his new girlfriend at a party ending the relationship. That wasn’t enough to convince him that his new behaviors and clothing choices were not valuable to him in his conservative community but luckily I was spoiled for 69 previously with my female neighbor.
Another girlfriend at a later time became interested in an older man who convinced her that it was sexy for her to allow him to dominate her sexually. The author was in a psychology class at the time and was able to recount an item from the text that asserted how domination can build on itself insidiously and sometimes lead to dangerous violence. The next time the author saw the woman in a movie theater she thanked him after she had been so adamant before that domination was exciting. The author didn’t pursue how violent the relationship had to go for her to leave it but she was extraordinarily grateful and relieved to be with a new loving guy.
Popular sex trends are just as likely to have died out due to the over popularity when it was so popular previously. Objective sex instruction must at least include some exposure to traditional sex, an excellent understanding of the human body and its fitness requirements for robust productivity and exciting potential. Think of why animals go through such elaborate mating rituals. That didn’t evolve for no reason and even though we have to become more comfortable with every aspect of sex, there is no reason for us supposedly sophisticated animals shouldn’t demonstrate our strength and reliability with the fitness while courting. An ideal situation would be if couples can work together on activities. Two people can be their own workout machines using the weight of their bodies to lift and balance each other as they check each other’s eyes from time to time while listening to their favorite songs. I hope that happens to me again someday.
Cooperation is a huge focus in the public schools because businesses have desperately (and rightly so) imposed team work on their communities. Teamwork is a universal need. Families need the same kind of practice with cooperation so that whenever possible fathers and mothers can have happy sex lives and stay together to demonstrate a life-time of wholesome family joy for their offspring.
At worst we can think of sex partners bartering the things the male wants for the things the female wants or, at best, we can think of how potentially passionate the two sexes can be about sharing the things which the other loves. Sex is better than anything for most men because even the simplest life forms only survive if they have an enormous drive to reproduce. Security is a deep and overwhelming urge for most women because offspring survive or excel best with at least two adults working tirelessly to assist them for their whole lifes.
Not all couples are trying to have children but the natural urges that all life forms share, control our choices and our quality of life. These natural tendencies for women to want commitment/security and for men to want sex/appreciation is just as powerful and useful to us when we first move in together, as it is when we share life's responsibilities in marriage and child rearing. When we are honest about what we want and what we give, the male and the female can ride their lives like a wave passionately, absorbed in their career, home and sex lives. That passion is the engine for job choices, fitness levels and contributions to the community. Honest give and take is made only more interesting with disabilities and obstacles.
A healthy, educated and sexually satisfied community is the driving force behind the variety in any successful population. When confusing sex or the lack of sex interferes with our productivity it corrupts and distracts us from our productive goals as successful life forms. Wounded men and women can interrupt schools, businesses and governments thinking the whole time that no one is noticing because they are acting out what was modeled for them or reacting vengefully to molestations.
Any animal, including humans, will isolate themselves, act out and become less productive when the pleasure center of their brain is stunted or hindered. We do things in groups for the most part and the groups depend on us. Humans have reached a level of detail in our thoughts where we depend on our group allegiance or citizenship, to lovingly monitor and educate us and our families. When we are tempted to become unethical in our treatment of ourselves and others, there can be sources of valuable information readily available attending to everything from sex, household maintenance and indigestion. This author suggests that healthy relationships and valid information sources can become a coping strategy which can get us through the complications life is going to throw at us.
Here is an example of the convoluted motives and poor communications which plague relationships and tend to lead to competition even in experienced partners.
I met a woman with almost identical skills in art, family support and objectivity born of life's challenges, but it was too important that she have access to the wealthy communities and malls to accept my offer of marriage. It sounds obvious that she was the bad guy in this story till you know that because of our freedom to copulate missionary style with birth control this author was completely negligent about pleasing her. This woman could not afford to participate in an expensive city, but the city fed her fantasy of wanting more than I had. On the other hand, she was so accommodating sexually that I took her for granted and was almost totally focused on my pleasure. You would think I would have learned this lesson. I have almost always pleased my mates before I pleased myself, so I can’t judge the woman for not having patience with me. I feel confident she would have stayed if I would have given her orgasms and we could have worked with our humble earnings.
While the relationship took place, I was unaware how selfish I was being as I’m sure the woman was unaware that she was displaying her dissatisfaction with my financial status. It seems very possible that other relationships have died a similar death without the participants analyzing their part in its demise.
With this book the author is attempting to assist the human population with tempting rewards of sex guidelines. Someone else will contribute their information and the process will never end. That is, unless we continue to be as unproductive as a species, with regards to answering the catastrophic questions caused by super wealthy greed, environmental disasters, communicable disease and religious violence.
This author is not suggesting that we all have sex and the dangerous issues in the world will cease. He is stating emphatically that most of the earth’s population is unaware of life's fragility. It will require an incentive as fundamental as the urge to reproduce to assist us in dragging the sleeping billions out of their daily survival routines and into the alert level of earth citizenship which is necessary for our species to survive and thrive.
Has this author made it clear he is suggesting generous, healthy and variety filled sexual relationships can be used by forward thinking males and females to coax each other into consistent improvements like the following:
Individual motivation with our education and productivity
Honesty and directness in our communications
Practical use of Developmental Psychology
Creativity and optimistic innovations
Involvement in our community
Environmental sustainability
Family examples
Happiness
Love
This author is suggesting we will have the patience and persistence to communicate and respond to our family and community in modest and pragmatic ways if we have some reasons to be satisfied. We can have that kind of patience when we make our thirty minutes every day and a few hours on the weekends and holidays satisfying and dependable for our partners. This can lead to a world where everyone is caring for their portion of the responsibility and no one is tempted to isolate themselves in self destructive revenge for self inflicted loneliness. If more of us “clean up the corner where we are” it will be contagious and easier for those who are in more complicated situations.
Objectivity
is contagious worldwide if
we are persistent.
Even in countries where we have attempted communication about sexuality with entertainment, media and fads we continue to see a half a century of sex based crime and as much as fifty percent divorce rate. So, the subject is not being addressed as objectively as it needs to be. We need to communicate in a way that male and female needs and desires are met. The following sexual suggestions can be considered pornographic or at least unfamiliar to individuals who have given up their sexual fantasies to a fundamentalist religion or given up their sexual options to work, drugs or ironically, even sex addictions. Those who have given up their fantasies to the oppression of poverty and/or the loss of their civil rights can consider these ideas painfully out of reach. Individuals who live with a lack of personal hygiene or physical fitness can feel helpless to access the following kind of trust-based sexuality. Snap out of it!
On the other hand, about half of the people who read this will think the ideas addressed are obvious, and will wonder why it had to be written down. For those individuals, just keep enjoying life in your precious, private time. This author wishes your private life were on display as an example for the other half of the world population. But historically, it’s the nature of sex to be private and so good habits are extinguished with the death of each diligent experimental couple who enjoyed a beautiful sex life together.
Teachers know how one student, whose parents did not set limits, can lower the productivity of an entire class by more than half until the issue is addressed. This is the same way that the world is being dragged into irreparable danger by the numbers of individuals born to uneducated and/or immature parents. We cannot afford to isolate millions of destructive individuals who lash out for a piece of the pie with their dangerously powerful uneducated human brains and strong bodies. If anyone can suggest a more powerful incentive than sex to attract these dangerous millions to educate themselves to become productive world citizens, please communicate it widely with all your resources. College is the best place to increase your likelihood of meeting an excellent partner but this book is more direct than a semester of trial and error college life.
As this author has mentioned there are a great many individuals who are well practiced in sexual variety and who lead motivated lives with their mates. For them it's important to remember that even within those sexual behaviors with which they feel most familiar and skilled there are none which cannot be improved by applying our full attention during the performance of sex, refraining from substance abuse and/or by continually learning.
It’s hoped that individuals reading this have had, or will have, a first sexual experience which is a positive one. A bad first experience can color his or her sex life for years. This is especially so if our first sex results in an unexpected pregnancy and the lifetime of responsibility or the unhappy choice to terminate. But even if you have kids and no partner, push on and see what this clumsy author is trying to do for you.
For the purposes of this book we will assume that the reader is well adjusted or wishes to be. They would like to stop being addicted to, or overly influenced by substances, pornography, memories of being molested as children and that violence has not become associated with sex in their lives. We will assume that any readers who were once plagued by these terrible issues are being successfully treated and/or are managing them by their own study.
Any individuals reading this who have succumbed to the common tendency to have more than one mate at a time or to see if they can get what they want through domination or bossiness are making their relationships too complicated for themselves. Destructive tendencies that cause most relationships to fail are obvious but still tempting. However, it’s not logical to force your will on anyone when trust is so necessary to maintain a relationship.
If you are not having your needs met, first communicate them very clearly. Then your potential mate will have the choice of pleasing you or moving on. It’s very confusing for males and females when there is so much information about instant sex and so many popular media examples of sex with strangers. But that choice comes with many risks and doesn’t work in anyone's favor over time. Ask any celebrity who has had many one-night stands if they are happy with their memories. They will have many exciting stories, but they will almost always come to their wish for creating and being part of a well-adjusted family. They remember every one of the partners hoped to be with them forever no matter how unlikely. They will also confess to those close to them how they wish they hadn’t hurt the feelings of those who they knew wanted to stay with them.
We certainly can't marry the first individual we meet, and an enormous number of life lessons must be learned from boyfriend/girlfriend relationships - but even early sexual relationships can be absolutely void of the possibility of pregnancy and/or STD's when individuals are knowledgeable enough to be unashamed of manual or body rubbing with early sweethearts who are just as curious as themselves. Most people have already experimented when they are in school.
We kissed and attempted to touch each other or rubbed ourselves on each other as a natural beginning of the sequence of sex acts. That was a special kind of communication we are often too embarrassed to discuss or even remember accurately. So, each generation learns anew. But it’s a hugely important developmental life step to practice with successively older playmates so we are not inappropriately specialized, thinking our only sexual successes was in childhood. Whole communities of ostracized men occupy trailer parks or homeless communities because of the fear from polite society of individuals who are immature in this way. So called psychological experts profit like so many other medical fields by claiming missing this developmental task is somehow less curable than any other. The political demonizing of these sad mentally ill individuals further contributes to their isolation and lack of options for safe and contributing citizenship. There are educational options to keep people out of or to escape from this trap if our goal is a safe unlimited world just like individuals who thought pee could be associated with sex because they stupidly held it in during self stimulation. When you know where you got a bad idea you just move on from it with or without therapy.
Females often attempt to increase their chances to be with a popular guy who she might not usually have access to using sex. It’s one of the most common risks an inexperienced girl will make by having sex sooner in a relationship. She might have the idea of skipping to a more popular click or into a popular guy’s world.
Males may say they have had sex when they have not. Other anxious males want to believe everyone is having more sex than they are because they think they will start having more sex like their bragging friends. False concepts like these can cause males and females to become more aggressive and careless. The truth about sex is that most good first sexual experiences have been preceded with long conversations, some good food and hopefully getting to know the other people in their lives.
See if your potential partner's parents are still together. Find out if they have made character adjustments to compensate if their parents are no longer together.
Communication is the answer to everything! Communication is your most valuable tool and the most important one this author is advocating to you toward your goal of getting everything you want and need. Ask direct questions and answer questions honestly. Put yourself in more situations where you will meet more people to communicate with. Practice talking to people at school, musical performances in the park and comedy clubs. Social media allows you to invite people to gather or meet in safe places as a couple or group. Nothing awesome is going to happen until you make it happen.
Putting yourself out there in whatever state of confidence or physical shape you are in now will help you prepare for the next meeting and help you decide on the adjustments you wish to make as you go along. If we are not adjusting throughout our whole lives, we are missing opportunities. No one has to tell you that.
This author also hopes that any women reading this have not succumbed to the common tendency to test their value in their relationships by withholding some of the things that men love most. This is a destructive tendency and is another one of the important reasons that relationships fail. Married women or women with children seem to fall into this trap most often.
It’s easy to understand why an individual would want to test to see if they are being used for something that our mate likes, but it is not logical to withhold the very things that our mate most loves just because of your insecurity. If you feel you are being used, let your mate know what you like so he or she can return the favor with equal enthusiasm and frequency as you provide what he or she enjoys.
You may recognize the following scenario which exemplifies one of many common methods of testing with sex avoidance. Some women display some ambiguous or subtle sexual suggestiveness or preparation. Then when the male doesn't recognize the display, she plays a repeated cognitive sentence in her own thoughts such as, "He doesn't deserve to have sex if he can't read the obvious signals I give him."
If he does break through the humiliating sexless routine and attempt to initiate sex she may act like he is an idiot for misreading her "loving" behavior as a come-on. So there is no way for him to be happy with her. Often it takes years for the male to figure out this relationship killing catch twenty-two and the couple may tragically never learn to enjoy non-competitive, trust based sex.
Out of frustration the male may find himself suggesting extreme sex acts to let her see that the regular things he really wants (more frequently) aren't bad at all. She then may think that he really wants those extreme sex acts he suggested. Finally, she will consent to unsatisfactory sex out of guilt when enough time passes. Often, they will perform the routine sex behavior or awkwardly use some toy or role which neither really wants to incorporate into their habits.
Another example of modern confused signals is that most guys are not really interested in women having sex together. They are somewhat interested in everything which is remotely sexual, but it is just a fluke of popular culture that the relatively disease safe girl on girl concept was acceptable as an international comedic topic and thus spread way beyond porn topics and men's actual interest.
An irony is that young women practice girl on girl flirting and actual sex to match the unintended societal pressure, when most women’s actual goal is to attract a male life mate. Sadly, sometimes comfort is found in these relationships which are too inconvenient to undo, and the women never meet a mate of the opposite sex. Of course, there are women who love women sexually for any number of reasons. “And there’s nothing wrong with that.” if that’s what they really choose.
Another example of extreme frustration leading to unintended habits is when individuals charged with the training of children use their influence to control impressionable kids sexually. Society suspects, and is vigilant toward, male teachers and clergy sexually abusing children, especially in the past fifty years or so, but in the recent twenty years a few frustrated women have fallen into the cruel temptation to vengefully lash out at their previous lovers by manipulating or controlling younger men or even their own immature children, students and parishioners. If there is any more obvious emergency world beacon than the fact that women, the symbols of nurturing, are confusing their own students and children, then this author is not aware of it.
Sexual education must reach everyone, including adults who consider themselves confident in their developed state. Our roles must be clearly understood, and we must ethically allow the young to develop and enjoy their innocence without manipulation by wounded adults.
This author played live music with a young woman who never dated. When asked why she remained single she explained how her uncle came into her room for years and had sex with her, beginning when she was eight years old and ending when she was twelve. When she finally stopped believing her uncle's stories about how nobody talks about sexy things, and that this was her uncle's only happy part of life, her Mother was horrified, and the uncle was removed from the house. The girl was understandably confused about her secret, advanced and sometimes pleasant sexual experience because of the humiliating and family destroying experience she now associated with sex. She went on to describe to this author that, in recent years, she napped with female, age appropriate employees, at her family's business after school and before work.
She described being able to smell her female workmate lying near her and how it led to intimate conversations, touching and then sexual meetings elsewhere. When this author asked if she associated her abused childhood sexual experiences with her present exclusive interest in same sex partners she said, "I'm not going to learn sex all over again."
It seemed to this author that this beautiful girl was making an important choice based on bad first experiences. She wasn’t going to try to meet a young man because of the inconvenience of practicing valuable reproductive skills, which our species needs to survive.
If this highly intelligent girl concluded that she would not have sex with a traditional partner, because she remembered such unhappiness, what hope do the poorly educated majority have of contributing mature and educated world citizens to a world that needs well-adjusted alertness to survive? How do we educate against the kneed jerk falsehoods power seeking authoritarian politicians and their wealthy lobbies advertise with convincing youtube videos and social media.
This author began this book by describing how domesticated birds of prey must be bribed to fly. This author spent an almost unhealthy length of time wishing to fly like a bird when he was a boy. And to find out that young strong hawks must be forced to do the thing he wished for well beyond his childhood provides him with a clear understanding why this young lady would consider it too much trouble to re-educate herself with any of the young men who watched her every movement in the clubs where we went to play music.
Approximately half of all humans are profoundly lazy and/or wounded by sex! Communication of hopeful and wholesome sexual variety is the answer for all of us. Many people can't stop themselves from wanting sex and so even uneducated people will practice learning sex even if they haven't practiced learning anything valuable for decades. Change and learning are possible with sex as the carrot dangling in front of them. When they are rewarded with the obvious benefits of variety filled wholesome and trust based sex, we will continue to learn other skills to increase and maintain the benefits of that level of intimacy and communication. This author is optimistic but if this all seems like guess work skip ahead to the sexy parts of the book for some fun distraction. That is part of the way education works. We must be caught off guard sometimes and other times rewarded with easy access to success or pleasure. This author hopes to provide the variety and accessibility the reader needs to continue reading and practice when your opportunities make that possible.
After a woman is already in a sexual relationship the woman can begin the education and communication with her mate as a team. A boyfriend and girlfriend team can start consenting to every request and implication that she or he wants sexually. More sex equals more practice and more appropriate practice leads to improvements.
The team should let their mate discover for themselves how much is too much. You have many parts of your body with which to pleasure each other and none of them will wear out with regular daily use. So alternate using your various body parts to please each other. Certainly, this must be balanced with safety, but you want to be the only source of your mate’s sex. The less experienced the male is more likely to be overwhelmed with excitement when he realizes he has access to sex. The female will always seem unreasonable to an inexperienced male from the first time he gets his hand in her pants and his grades often drop for six weeks due to his staying up most nights on the phone attempting every possible manipulation to get more.
This author has heard extreme examples of immature male attempts to get more, which inexperienced women recounted as some of their most horrifying or romantic moments. The desperate attempts range from the use of religious mythology to belief in vampires. Most inexperienced guys attempt to use their local religion by saying that their feelings are so powerful that their god had to have brought them together for it to feel this good. That’s their evidence! And similarly indoctrinated women go for it. But when they are both inexperienced and begin this way they are often too embarrassed to try anything which doesn’t run the risk of pregnancy. I would love to know the percentage of children born this way and how many couples were prepared for and provided excellent parenting after a religiously initiated conception.
Reading my Grandfather’s letters from the war front demonstrates why some women gave up their freedom to work their lives away raising kids, growing and canning food, keeping house, doing the books for their husbands business for the occasional reward of the memory of war time admiration.
Similarly, a popular science fiction story can become very successful as a mixed-up excuse for young kids to exchange fluids. At least one of the dedicated vampires found on daytime talk shows a decade ago, got their start when an inexperienced Goth girl used vampirism as a rationale for oral sex. The unlucky guy studied everything he could about vampirism and became a foolish celebrity for that portion of his life.
Luckily this author’s early sexual success in exchange for religious paintings was thwarted by a clever Dad and the relatively objective book, ‘Everything you always wanted to know about sex, but were afraid to ask’.
During high school, girls asked me to paint religious paintings which were great excuses to visit their houses and present the project. This author’s father thought I was headed for the priesthood when he saw the crucifixes and god face paintings. Dad gave me a good talking to at the age of seventeen. He said, if I needed a god I should consider all the good feelings between people, when they help each other and love each other. He said, “call that god if you want to. People risk their lives for that feeling of caring.” He made a point to say, “there is nothing supernatural in the world”.
I told Dad that I didn’t need a god and I asked why we polished our shoes and went to the Methodist church every sunday. Dad was relieved I wasn’t as religious as my choice of artwork implied and he explained we had to go to church in south Louisiana or suffer consequences. After all black people were still being lynched when we first arrived in that part of the united states.
Later Dad gave me the book his brother jokingly gave him. I wish now I had shared it with my brothers because my girlfriend read it to me and we launched into a very successful oral sex relationship which got me through my highschool years with the confidence of having that rite of passage tended to.
Nowadays we can confuse the issue even further, with legitimate looking "sex tip" videos on the internet in which inexperienced males and females create a large culture of like-believers with their dangerously narrow view of dating and intimacy.
Even if it is the man or woman who can lead the sex-starved male or lonely woman to a safe and legal location to start the necessary bonding and mutual experimentation, the sex instructor still needs to have the wherewithal to control their own neglected habits and/or sexual misinformation.
Much rests on the consent laden shoulders of women or girls and the enormous consequences for those who come to the task with family baggage or who are lacking in experience. The most common test to see if you are unconsciously neglecting your mate’s needs is if he keeps pornography or acquires new pornography or if she doesn’t know to expect orgasms. If he must masturbate at all you have convinced him that you are not going to please him as much as he would like. No matter how simple or complex the explanation you give to yourself, if he masturbates you are not making it easy enough for him to share his daily needs for quick orgasms or his daily penis stimulation without orgasm. If you don't expect and require orgasms there is an important part of the relationship which is missing and is going to complicate matters enormously at some point. It’s a sure thing.
It’s not unheard of for an inexperienced male to have isolated masturbation habits for a short time after they get together with, even an experienced partner, but there just isn’t time for that kind of isolation if she is attentive to his daily needs and wants.
He stimulated himself all the time before you came along and though it may take a little time and practice to replace those times with team sex, he is going to be very willing to do so. The temptation to fall into routines, or to set self-destructive limits, must be caught early or additional bad habits will confound your team goals.
Most inexperienced women find out early in the relationship it is easy to embarrass their inexperienced mate about some aspect of sex. Many women inadvertently enjoy the power and use subtle embarrassment to stop their man from more behaviors than either of them wants to stop. That can continue until they reach menopause when they often have a sudden realization that they chose power over mutual stimulation and trust. When she’s forty-eight or so, she will then want him to be more assertive and often embarrass him for his lack of creativity. By then neither the man nor the woman can usually unravel the subtle psychological complexity that led to their boring sexual life.
This book can provide plenty of information about how a couple who trusts each other, can safely discover how often they really want sex, with and without foreplay, and always being sure their mate is satisfied. It’s not always obvious if one or both of you are not having enough orgasms if you are not good communicators. People are busy and looking for a new partner is inconvenient, but you only have one life. Talk about sex and move on if it’s not working. Both or either of you may need information before you have sex.
The feeling of power is very important to many people especially if one of their parents was dominating. Antique sexual literature is filled with men and women controlling each other in various ways. The Kama Sutra is very seductive because of its sexually explicit illustrations but anyone who has read the text is very unsatisfied unless they are excited by psychologically unhealthy sexual manipulation. The Kama Sutra is all about controlling your mate with sex and, by the way, it also speaks badly of oral sex. That limitation doesn't make sense except in a location where good hygiene is impossible. Save up and move to where hygiene is possible before you have kids anyway. Kids need cleanliness and you need a couple of years of 69 or similar sexual bonding before you have kids.
Sometimes women whose upbringing makes them tend toward controlling, can use their controlling tendency in the favor of their mate as they practice the unhealthy aspects of domination out of their habits over time. A long-term tool the woman has at her control is to progressively introduce a sequence of sexual body surfaces in an order her mate finds arousing over a long space of time. Sexy communications and successive body locations for sex will keep their mate motivated when few other strategies can. This plan is only valuable to women whose partners begin the relationship relatively inexperienced with sex. But in spite of the list of sex terminologies a man may have learned from porn he could still be ridiculously inexperienced because of the one sided access he receives from some form of status like money or good looks.
A woman can maintain her man's interest for decades if she introduces manual, oral, vaginal and then anal over a period of time as the man suggests them - and he will suggest them subtly in reference to a movie or when he thinks of it himself. That is not to say that she cannot accomplish the same goal of team bonding by providing all her body at once and keeping it interesting by meeting her mate's safe personal fantasies. But the sequence of sex acts is particularly powerful when a couple is bonding.
Experienced partners can certainly find ways to continually meet each other’s daily wish for stimulation. Adding new sexual banter for either or both partners and ‘fooling around’ in different locations are some examples of traditional tools for keeping things interesting. However, a progression of body locations can make a less experienced male feel he is part of something that is growing, and he can be stimulated to grow in his character and professional life using this technique. Before this author moves on, it must be pointed out that if a wounded woman needs the sequence of sex acts to meet her personal psychological challenges to control others, she must be aware that those challenges need to be addressed professionally or through her own study and practice.
The sequence of sex acts which may be part of a single, prolonged sexual event is also important and we can learn a lot about what is a natural order from more primitive animals. When an ape, dog or fish is interested in a potential mate many species follow the potential partner closely sniffing after them. Everyone has seen and commented about ‘dogs sniffing another dog's butt’. It's a crude joke but it is a valuable indicator when we are searching for the natural sequence of sexual behaviors which will bring us the maximum pleasure and build the maximum bond between mates. Busy, work tired men may not always depend on getting a good erection until they perform oral sex for their women. And to the extreme, this author has lost many a first orgasm on the bedding or carpeting while pleasuring a woman with his mouth. The smell of your mate is the natural beginning of arousal. Maybe you only smell their hair when it’s clearly time to fool around. Neither of you are likely to even notice you are aroused that way, but you are drawn into suggestive gestures or straight into the bath where, ironically, you wash off many of the scents of the day.
You then may kiss and manually stimulate each other whether you are skilled at it or not. Some kissing is almost certain to take place. Doesn’t this seem like a logical sequence for individuals in a relationship? Before long, whether in the bathroom or the bed there is likely to be some copulation with or without orgasms while the two move themselves logistically to meet the needs of the other, if they were raised to be generous. Their fitness and experience will determine if legs are lifted for better access to private parts. Enthusiasm can also push sedentary people beyond their usual contortions indicating that the sex itself can turn into limbering yoga. There are a trillion variations of this theme but the sequence that a couple participates in when they have a little privacy is often the same sequence new couples fall into naturally.
So, it’s not hard to imagine an inexperienced couple will discover the same sequence over a longer period of time, providing them with ample opportunity to add to and develop an intimate and private vocabulary of sex. At the same time, the opportunity to dialogue and negotiate will develop, extended by the growth in their intimate life. This author can corroborate that he has learned to do everything from speak more eloquently to wash the sheets every week because his sexual partners wished it so.
As mentioned before, the death of sex comes from bossy behavior. Even subtle bossiness by either partner often leads to dominant and submissive roles, which feed on themselves to unpleasant or even dangerous extremes. Communicate to your dominating mate that you can’t participate as often, enthusiastically or lovingly with sex when you feel that your gifts are being taken from you rather than gratefully enjoyed. Let him or her know that when he or she is not acting bossy, you want to give sex all the time. Say it clearly. Your mate may not be able to glean your thoughts, especially early in the relationship. Giving them lots of non-bossy sex can quickly reward and train a mate who has developed his or her fantasies with unrealistic pornography or previous bad relationships. Be generous with sex under that one condition (no bossiness) and your mate will become generous and enthusiastic for your sex presents. Tell him or her to find the pleasure in their nerve endings being stimulated rather than controlling or submissive gestures.
If your mate is discovered to require domination, he or she has previous experiences which will ruin your relationship in the long run. She or he may be driven to find someone with a need to dominate or be dominated. Someone who needs to be dominated will find someone else or subtly train you to dominate them over time and will not be satisfied until something bad happens to the relationship or you.
One of the most common examples of domination/submission issues which are crippling families and the court system is when spouses and employers falsely accuse or imply their spouses or employees are abusers or they suspect sexual abuse. We learned from the Me Too movement that we always need to believe the accusers but the law states we are innocent till proven guilty. The charge or implication of sexual abuse is so emotional that marriages, careers and children's lives are crippled or ruined before the truth comes to light, if it ever comes to light. Individuals who need to dominate out of revenge for divorce or to get custody of children can waste enormous sums of dollars of family and community resources for no purpose, when they make false implications or charges.
Relationships which are controlled by manipulative implications usually fall apart prematurely, thank goodness. But those who are ruined during the unnecessary battles can end up in homeless shelters and jails.
Many of the more subtle or confusing, control based limitations to sex come from sexual conflicts which didn't seem worth the effort of resolving at the time but come back later to bite you in the butt. The couple may stay together out of convenience, remaining unsatisfied and blaming each other silently as long as they can stand it. Individuals in a relationship may defend the role they play in the relationships with their children or other family members rather than use that effort to resolve bad habits. They can never stop thinking of the consequences from which they imagine they are dutifully saving their family members, but the bad habits remain.
Instead, they could constantly let their family members know how much they love them by planning and participating in meaningful activities. The result of constant avoidance of unresolved issues is that the children or other family members think they are unloved and can become isolated and cruel like their parents seemed to be. It’s necessary to communicate honestly and effectively to family on a constant basis. Dominance or competition are at the root of most unsuccessful relationships whether they are recognized or not.
Young females display domination in a variety of ways when they discover to what lengths an inexperienced male will go for sex. Some common examples of young female dominance are usually associated with payback for sex. An example is the girl will feel justified to be angry, pouting or controlling before or after sex and this will become part of her personality over time.
Another example is that she might unconsciously situate her body, so the male must position himself in awkward ways to access her openings. Sometimes he may even harm himself physically because she thinks he needs to work for her charms. Or she can involve the male in pointless circular arguments that he will inadvertently reward and cement into the female's habits by tolerating her as a prelude to sex.
A married woman may come to recognize the signs when her mate has masturbated. She will then offer sex and act offended or controlling when he refuses or has a half-hearted response. A fellow employee pointed this one out to the author when his ex-wife insulted him with the story after he was divorced. Relationships which have gone so stale they leave only arguments for pleasure are more common than anyone would like to think. But they call attention to the need for ongoing communication.
Inexperienced males will do almost anything to have sex, including telling overweight girls that they could be models, telling lonely girls that they love them or using the local religion to convince the girl that they came to this point for holy purposes. This kind of behavior can have a lasting effect on the male and/or the female. The female can develop a list of requirements for future sexual partners, a list in which experienced males will not participate, thus leaving the female alone or retraining inexperienced men in her ridiculous pre-sex rituals. The inexperienced males can come to think that all women have the same pointless requirements and ruin future relationships due to that expectation.
Confident and competent mates get and give pleasure with nerve ending stimulation, clever roles and don’t control those who have been psychologically crippled by previous relationships. When an individual discovers that a potential mate requires anger or violence to become aroused he or she should get out of the relationship unless he or she is a trained professional in the field of psychology and specialized in sexual dysfunction. It may seem cruel but dealing with sexual dysfunction is much more complex than most people can handle without years of training.
There is a relatively short period in a relationship before you decide to have kids or become life mates and for that short time your sex palette can be one of the magnets that draw you and your partner through all the later hardships of life. There is no reason to limit each other from sex between individuals with clean willing bodies. On the contrary we need to create as many opportunities for sex and sexual variety as possible to create a bond to get us through the harder times. We also need to develop skills with a variety of sexual behaviors because some may become limited to us when we become less healthy over time. Before the explicit descriptions of successful sex, there are still a few obstacles to address and possibly avoid by our awareness of them.
If you have been with your mate any length of time you have made many silent, instantaneous and sometimes anger based agreements. These are kept in our daily habits along with all the objectively thought out agreements we have made together. Because it’s our nature to simplify our lives (in the same way animals move to locations where there is more food) many of the hasty agreements we make with our mates relieve us of responsibilities.
Some of the accumulated responsibilities we may have inadvertently agreed to, might end our relationship if we’re not careful. It’s our responsibility to cleverly and aggressively find the hidden goals and pleasures of our mate. All the potential ways of making love and living a life of variety are all still there, in our thoughts, as full of potential as they were when we first met. We just need to practice new habits into our lives as often as we can to motivate ourselves and our mate.
Think about it. If your mate said he or she would be filled with excitement if you would enthusiastically and privately do something nonsexual and as simple as squash empty soda cans with a wooden mallet in the garage for five to thirty minutes a day you would probably find time to do it together. So, if your sweetheart wants to start a business or have a different kind of quickie sex each day, you are the only one who should believe in your mate and provide for their wishes to come true.
There is such a powerful folklore and tradition passed among women to limit their partner's sexual wishes that many women are unaware they have the option of truly satisfying their mate. Yet the fact is it’s easier to pleasure your mate any time he wants it than it is to keep up with the stress and scams required to rob your man of that pleasure.
This author's Grandmother wished, shortly after her husband died, she had tried dying her husband's hair as he had sometimes wished. She realized after he was gone it would not have been any trouble to try using dye on his old head. It was foolish to think he was still competing with her for a new lover with his dark hair. And if he didn't like it, it still would have been a fun and intimate thing to do together.
Kissing is very sexual when the participants are truly communicating with their lips. It can be said that a relationship can be fulfilled by a kiss for extended periods based on the experience level of the participants. Most people will tell you they remember their first or other important kisses among the most special moments in their lives. We often cannot recreate the circumstances which make those book mark kisses so profound, but we keep them in our thoughts and hope for more.
Kisses are dependent on what can be a sweet or confusing system of consent based purposeful steps or a lucky mutual moving together. But part of the drama so often attached to kissing is the implication that there may be future kisses or more. This author has never felt like he is attractive enough to get close enough to touch faces with a mate until it happens. It’s a confidence building stepping stone in a relationship which depends on consent and sometimes initiation from our partner. If there were a cultural ritual which was associated with the practice it would allow individuals suffering with autism to participate more readily but the challenge is often part of the negotiation observed by both parties and an indicator of maturity and social fitness.
The elaborate mating rituals of birds and other animals should allow humans to understand why the first steps of a relationship require circumstance and bravery. There is nothing wrong with potential partners evaluating each other’s toolbox of skills and value. Humans are so sophisticated that we think we can sail through the rights of passage without building skills or taking relation building time, but we risk so much when we do. Herpes and rape come to mind as risks which come with jumping into relationships without caution.
Kissing is one of the most taken for granted supercharged pleasures in life and can demonstrate in seconds how experienced, confident, how much potential, and/or how committed a potential mate might be. Kiss as much as you can. Appreciate it while you really are excited by kissing.
Finally, the sexy part of the book, right? Women will have jumped to this chapter first and guys would have skipped closer to the end. And that’s... OK.
Having sex with your hands is a relatively safe place to start a sexual relationship. A practical couple could stimulate each other to as many orgasms as they liked while waiting for the overly cautious government suggested six months of HIV tests (3 times) before they exchange bodily fluids. It is not a small thing to get a new couple through an otherwise unsatisfying or risky contemporary courtship with its sexually transmittable disease (STD) limitations. Many teen pregnancies are caused in part by the false assumption that they will be looked down on or they will not satisfy their mate with manual sex. But if you can't trust your new mate from bragging about sex, you should not be stimulating them sexually anyway. If they speak badly of you or to you about only having manual sex get out of the relationship and be glad you didn't risk pregnancy or exchanging STDs with someone who is so immature. If a braggart male tells others that you made him have an orgasm with your hand the damage is minimal especially if you call him a liar saying that you didn’t do anything with him, or answer each nosey fool calmly that "I thought he was my man, but he is just a bragging boy."
Also, if you make your new mate have a manual orgasm, they will give you a break from the pressure to have other kinds of sex. An inexperienced male of any age will quickly fall into acceptance of that one sex act as your complete sex life if they are having satisfying orgasms. Guys are funny that way.
Manual sex is also very valuable, instructing partners about each other’s bodies and how they personally need to be stimulated to have orgasms. A pleasant and unobstructed orgasm is almost always the goal of both partners in any sex act. The only time it is not the goal is when your partner lets you know they want to save the orgasm for another time or they have already had one moments before. This should always be the receiver’s choice. If you are both trying to have an orgasm at the same time, one partner usually becomes the receiver at the precise moment of orgasm which is seldom exactly at the same time.
It is not useless to attempt simultaneous orgasms, but that goal must not be allowed to interfere with the majority of precious alternating moments for your turn and his. Even when orgasms come very close together in time, his and hers should be attended to by the partner with their full attention and enthusiasm.
Manual sex obviously involves a variety of rhythmic movements and touching with the hands on the most sensitive parts of the genitals. Most of the time the touching starts elsewhere and builds up to the most sensitive location, but often one gets right to the genitals if time is not on your side. In most cases testosterone driven men want quick servicing more often than estrogen driven women but there are exceptions. This author met a fellow college student who had no misgivings about rubbing her genitals on my leg to have an orgasm when she discovered that I was not prepared for any sex act which involved exchanging fluids yet and was not skilled at manual sex. I was surprised by her boldness at the time, but I have always considered that event as one of the most intimate moments I ever shared with a first-time sexual partner.
When participating in manual sex, lubrication is helpful. Especially if you are located where clean up is easy. Some clean up is always going to be necessary for the man's orgasm anyway. Even if the partners are not to the level in their relationship of exchanging bodily fluids yet, the female will want to catch the ejaculation with the other hand if she is observant enough to see her mate is about to have an orgasm. It’s not hygienic to allow the ejaculation to launch just anywhere.
The whole manual process can be sped up greatly for the female’s comfort if she will perform this task often enough that the male will not be tempted to withhold his orgasm. When sex is rare, or the male is inexperienced there is a temptation for the man to prolong it unnecessarily. There will be times when there is privacy in bed or in front of the TV when no orgasm is expected but the female can spend the whole time gently touching his most sensitive places.
The wrong kind of touching can include the times when the penis becomes numbed by the extra stroking. As mentioned before, if he gets this treat rarely there will be a tendency for him to want to stretch out the experience and then it is not always the woman's fault when her arm gets tired. Long relaxed stimulations whenever you have the privacy to do so can happen as often as he likes. But then see if he builds up to an orgasm or if it leads to something else.
Another obstacle to orgasm has to do with the roughness with which individuals give themselves orgasms. If a male or a female is very forceful when masturbating themselves instead of artistically coaxing their private orgasms they accidentally make it much harder on their future sexual partners who take over the job. Taken a step further, individuals can cause themselves to associate violence or anger with sex if they fantasize or watch videos about violent or angry sex acts while they masturbate. We don’t need thought police to tell us that we want sustainable and regular sex. Sex is not compatible with anger or violence no matter what the S & M believers say. The force or vigor an individual uses to make themselves have orgasms will at first be expected by your partner when he or she attempts to take over the loving responsibility of sex. A strong male can inadvertently make their orgasms an athletic event over time. This author had a 45-year-old sexual partner who required vigorous rubbing of her clitoris for an extended period of time which was clearly caused by her isolation and made it impossible to give her an orgasm orally or with my penis at first. This would have changed over time as she came to appreciate creative finesse, but the relationship didn't last that long. The lesson here is that we all have a responsibility to our future sex partners, to shape the way we touch ourselves and control the things we think about when we make ourselves have orgasms.
It is worth repeating that what we think about when we pleasure ourselves can completely shape our next sexual relationship when we do find a partner. If an individual can fantasize about past partners without feeling angry, if a person looks at non-violent, age appropriate images of attractive individuals or if we imagine ideal sexual situations in a futuristic imaginary world, we can satisfy ourselves and contribute to the next relationship at the same time.
It seems so easy to state that people should fantasize about naturally erotic images and concepts when they masturbate so they will be trustworthy when they meet a real partner. But in the same way that we are surrounded by dangerously attractive food, dangerous pornography can disappoint our future mates at the most potentially beautiful moments.
This author's first erotic thoughts were about his baby sitters and teachers, so it can be tempting to fantasize about older females but even this scenario can be taken to an extreme which would be unhelpful to the next relationship with a trusting woman. Just watch how the internet algorithms lead to unacceptable image titles when you look for older women to remind you of those early experiences.
Even individuals who were lucky enough to have a healthy childhood development can become distracted from the most sustainable and constructive sex lives. Imagine the confusing temptations of a woman who was even subtly manipulated or abused by their first boyfriend. Our fantasies become intended or unintended goals, and goals are extremely powerful tools of self destruction or positive self actualization. What we think about is under our control over time and is likely to really happen if we repeat it in our thoughts often enough.
Another way to speed up or increase the pleasure of manual sex and make it more special for the man is to call attention to the reality of the situation with agreed upon slang words and gestures. If the female will use the slang terms the male first used with his buddies in younger sex talk and jokes it can set a truly valuable mood for the male. If the female will coax out the ejaculation with a variety of enthusiastic requests for him to “cum for me”, “ or let it go Superman”, she will shorten the length of time she will need to pump the length of his penis with energetic and loving strokes.
It is a cruel irony that most couples miss this opportunity to stimulate each other with sound because of the communication challenge which is required to launch beautiful audio stimulation into their relationship. The female may attempt it once and embarrass the male because he is overly excited or because she didn't find out exactly what words and sounds do it for him. It may be that hearing the words once may lead them to need to be edited. You won’t find out until you try and until you are open to adjustments in the sexy dialogue. Many women get the wrong idea about sounds from movies like ‘When Harry Met Sally’ or the new ‘The Stepford Wives’.
If the male tries to use words and sounds he may use terms which the female considers demeaning, or he may not find out what she wants as she changes over time. The initial attempts require tolerant experimentation, which is very exciting when trusting partners playfully participate, but it also has a volatile potential. That is the way it is with anything that is extremely rewarding. Handle with care and move with caution because it’s worth it.
Non-bossy and evocative comments should be spoken with a wholesome humility and could include sentences such as the following. “Let’s get that dick out where I can give you some attention.” Or “Let me see it. I want to jack you off.” Or “Here’s some hand pussy for you.” “Do you want to look at me naked or leave my work clothes on while I get you off?” Slang helps the male’s stimulation as much as words of commitment and woo stimulate some women. But we'll discuss women shortly.
It’s important that the female does not touch the head of the penis in the moments before, during and for some moments after the male ejaculates due to the hypersensitivity of the head during and after orgasm. It feels best to create the feeling of depth just before, during and after an orgasm by gently stroking the middle or base of the penis and then milking out the remainder after a few moments of pause by squeezing and pulling gently toward the head. Soothing words are often valuable at that time, such as, “Does that feel better?” “How was that?” If the female has caught the ejaculation in her other hand and you have not started ingesting his protein it can be easily wiped on blue jeans or his underwear if they are not at home.
If you don’t trust your mate enough to have variety in sex, then you should not be having sex with that person. Trust must come first. Listen to Trust is Love by Safely Limitless.
Most women's orgasms have come from manual or oral sex in this author's experience. So, at the beginning of a relationship, and for convenience in a variety of locations, manual tends to be the most common first method of meeting the needs of a female. For the female, some good mood-altering words accompanied with kissing and touching can decrease the amount of time it takes to bring her to orgasm. As with the male, it is necessary to discover the words that mean the most to the individual receiving them. Silence is better than words that don’t work for him or her, so take care and get it right. But bring it up again later.
Many individuals expect their mates to read their thoughts with regards to this matter. Those individuals go mostly unsatisfied because it is often somewhat embarrassing for the male or the female to expose the terms that please them the most. Even sharing this book with your mate may require enormous trust. To further the effectiveness of sex talk, the terms should be plentiful once you do get comfortable with them, so they can be alternated, mixed and matched to give them new life over a lifetime. It is worth the effort if she wants to hear anything at all.
Even if you do not discover certain words that excite your mate until fifty years into your relationship do not miss opportunities for their use just because of the time it took to discover them. Most women want to hear words of commitment and adoration if they want to hear anything at all. The man can say, "I'm so lucky to have found you." Some words that seem cliché to one will mean everything to another woman. Someone may love, “You are my treasure and I’m going to care for you as long as you want me to.” Or he can say, “It’s easy to please someone with such exciting parts.” Of course, you don’t lie to a woman if that part of her body was involved in some disfiguring accident but all of us have our belief somewhat suspended when our nerve endings are being stimulated and men can feel free to make their mate feel pleasantly flattered.
One of this author's partners specifically asked to hear sentences which described our future together when we had sex. Anyone would think it was a turn off to have agreed ahead of time that my words of commitment were for simulation purposes only and that I would not be held to them as promises of a future together. But that was not the case. This woman clearly went into a trance when this author stated things like, "I love you girl.", “I can see us in a house someday, sneaking off from the kids and the babysitter to diddle each other." This author was only married once so he rarely felt comfortable saying things like this but it was fun to play that role. It’s still amazing to me that sexual stimulation of that kind was so powerful for her after I had gone so far overboard making sure that she understood that I didn't really know what our future was together. But I understand how powerful words are for me. Even unrealistic words can be chosen carefully to stimulate and distract me from life’s challenges and, so it must be for women.
Even if time is an issue, and in the most awkward locations, the male can reach the woman's neck and breasts for kissing and touching if she is receptive. But when there is time and when the sex act can be focused on her, the male should expect to spend the evening or the whole day building up to and giving her orgasms. Women have one ability that places them in an enviable position up with childbearing in this author’s eyes. They can have multiple orgasms. Any guy would trade their flying car for that ability.
When the male does finally have consent to put his hand on her genitals he will usually touch the surrounding area for a while before focusing in on the clitoris above the entrance of the vagina. He will want to focus attention on that sensitive area on and off for a while to build up to some penetration of the opening with the fingers as the area lubricates itself. This can sometimes be accomplished in a few minutes when time is an issue, or over a period of many hours if the environment is interesting, or the banter creates the right mood.
If the sex act is being performed where clean up is possible a tube of genital lubricant can be luxurious for the female. Use only lubricants which are designed for sex like KY jelly because regular skin lotions can be annoying or even harmful if they enter the body. As the female becomes more relaxed and hopefully responsive she can describe where and how she wants to be stimulated or she can depend on the male's experience to guide him. Her descriptions can seem bossy to a man who is insecure, but trusting couples enjoy learning from and about each other. As she gets closer to an orgasm some of her movements become less voluntary and with many women they may automatically use their hands to guide the male's hand in a gradually quicker and directed rhythm.
A finger tip usually needs to be directly touching on top of or moving alongside the clitoris to evoke an orgasm. An indicator that she is having an orgasm is a series of genital spasms and a thin layer of perspiration on the skin that dries almost instantly. Her highly sensitized clitoris becomes uncomfortable to touch directly for a short time. In most cases the female wants to be penetrated with the fingers during or shortly after a manually generated orgasm.
While the clitoris is too sensitive to touch the male can carefully touch the surrounding area and build up to touching it again. He can cause the female to have more orgasms continually over a period of three to thirty minutes after the first orgasm. Multiple orgasms require careful but shorter build-ups for each one. This author’s record number was fourteen of my girlfriend's orgasms on a lazy Sunday and they were all accomplished with oral stimulation. The last couple were for our own curiosity because they weren’t necessary or even completely comfortable for her after so much numbing attention. Still I’m glad we tested the envelope.
This author has also made profound errors in a relationship by neglecting a woman's orgasms who might have been a life partner. She gave up on the relationship relatively quickly because her needs were not met. Only after it was too late did the author realize how he had left out such an important part of the relationship, even though he knew better. That makes it worse. This author knew what to do but was caught up into other aspects of the relationship and the woman must have thought that she was unappealing. It's a cruel mistake for both parties to live with when there is time to look back on it. But it only happened with four of this author’s partners. Clearly there are many lessons to be learned here. Most of them are for older lovers like myself. The freedom to have missionary sex without fear of pregnancy and the lack of recent practice are no excuse for selfish sex.
If sex partners have known each other for some time and are past the STD testing period, the female greatly appreciates generous kissing of her genitals after an orgasm if the clitoris is not touched directly for a minute or so.
This author must apologize that the sections of this book are not as long about meeting women's needs, but we must include only as much as we know. This author is a man and knows more about meeting his needs and hopes. This honest information may be more useful to women than men especially when the understanding of what men want can be used to launch a family out of their social and economic routines and traps.
A woman's healthy
vagina is the center
of man's universe.
In reaction to the overwhelming natural urge to procreate, humans have protected women from sex with religions, bizarre body hiding clothing, folklore and cruel misinformation. This puts us squarely in a modern world with most men inexperienced and unwilling to learn how to give a woman an orgasm and most women pretending to have orgasms for their mates and even for THEMSELVES. It is important to restate that oral sex is not safe until after STD or background testing portion of a relationship is passed but the whole point of kissing down there is to give your mate an orgasm.
Any number of examples of misinformation can be found with a search on the internet for ‘female orgasm’. You will find thousands of fake, howling and urinating performances which could detour any young man from wishing to participate in such confusion. This author has provided a great many women with months and sometimes years of orgasms in his lifetime and none were noisy, and none involved more than subtle lubricant emissions.
Most women’s orgasms are gentle and sensitive moments when the only non-rhythmic movements are to keep the man from touching their clitoris for long enough to become less sensitized after the gentle spasms. Oral sex for the female is an important gesture that can set up a system of communication and trust from the man to the woman and back, which is hard to accomplish any other way. When he can share the combination of spontaneous mouth movements and address the locations the female needs to experience an orgasm the couple learns to communicate in an intimate way that can carry over to and help them navigate through more complicated or stressful situations.
Most contemporary males know they need to make the female have an orgasm before they have their orgasm because of the overwhelming tendency to relax or even sleep after he gets his. So, it’s important for the couple to have initial anatomical communications (possibly long before sex), for him to know what she likes, needs and wants.
If you’re not comfortable letting him know what you want sexually then you should probably not be with this person. He cannot read your mind. Once you have diplomatically or cleverly taught an inexperienced mate the basics he can improvise using the list of behaviors you supplied him. You can then pretend that he thought of it all himself if you wish.
The woman certainly must know how to clean herself inside and out before he can enjoy kissing her vagina. A great many of the women this author has known needed to be instructed during bathtub foreplay, how to rinse themselves out inside, so this essential knowledge is not consistently being shared among women. Probably due to the potentially embarrassing and intimate nature of bathtub finger penetration needed to accomplish the loving task, women don’t seem to share it with each other. She or he should use their fingers to spread and fill her vagina with water in the bathtub and gently brush away any accumulations on the inner walls and around the base of the cervix. (That’s the little nub in the back you can feel with your fingers.) The woman should do this alone if it’s been a long time because there can be a cloudy or particulate emission when she uses her groin muscles or the release of the spread inner walls to squeeze out the water. She may not want the man to see any chalky or speckled emissions after her period. But most of the time he can do it with enthusiasm. To fill the vagina, the fingers need to carefully press against one or both inner walls, which causes the water to flow in, fill the vagina with clean water a few times to rinse it. No soap should be used. The tub needs to be immaculately clean and that’s often a man’s job.
Rinsing of the private parts can be an important foreplay experience if the male does the job with the right attitude. And after all, he has a vested interest in doing a good job of it. Remember to thoroughly clean the whole area. There is nothing that isn’t kissable when it’s squeaky clean.
Most females would be surprised to know how many men depend on kissing her vagina to become thoroughly aroused for the rest of the sex event. That’s why it is so frustrating if the female becomes too unfit for oral sex to be appealing. The vagina and source of his sexual inspiration can become unrecognizable and inaccessible if she is too overweight. The act of male stimulation with cunnilingus could be replaced with an alternate sex act, such as anal copulation or fellatio but she will be much more satisfied if she can find it within herself to maintain a fitness level which is conducive to him putting his mouth on her most private parts.
Some weak males will say they like a fat woman if it causes him to have control over her. Weak women will say that they never liked cunnilingus if they have never had success controlling their eating or exercise.
A common misconception which allows males and females to lower their expectations of the woman's fitness level is about the plump women from historical paintings. Even the quickest research into the backgrounds of the women who lived a lifestyle which allowed them to be artists’ models in almost any early historical period will cause us to avoid comparisons to them. The educated and physically fit women throughout history have been isolated by their families and did not often have naked portraits made of them. The plump women who posed for most of the artwork of antiquity and right up to the Victorian age were mostly prostitutes or traded slaves and were probably unaware of wholesome fitness.
To begin pleasing a female orally the male can start with kissing on the neck and breasts or sometimes go straight to nibble on the legs and tickle her into readiness. Females are raised to associate something of a theatrical event with sexual arousal because history is filled with worried parents who use fear and/or romantic ideals to keep their daughters from getting pregnant before they have the resources to care for a child.
To meet this need that females have for a trance-like state of mind, the male can learn the sequence of thoughts that the female uses to achieve that state. It can be as simple as knowing what she thinks, ‘this is what couples do’, or as complex as rituals of a religious nature. When you know what is required for her to pour herself into sex you must decide if it is worth it to you to continue. Some overly complicated rituals are counterproductive to a relationship even if they do protect the girl from STDs, early pregnancy and unsatisfactory early relationships. If there is time and the inclination to re-educate the woman about what it takes to feel excited sexually the male can direct the sexual focus to the stimulation of nerve endings where it belongs.
When she can release herself from complicated preconceived notions and concentrate on skin touching skin she will be ready to develop a new and more satisfying sequence of stimulating thoughts.
Women with a reasonable initiating sequence for sex will respond gratefully to having that special attention given to her when it’s her turn to receive sex. When the evening is ‘about her’ the male should participate in the theater by taking her somewhere she likes, showing her off and making her look good in front of others by his competent and thoughtful actions. Then when they get home he should bathe her and tell her how he enjoys being with her. Let her feel the way she has let him know she wants to feel. The mechanics of giving her an orgasm is like his own, so he should understand the kind of auto movement that will be needed when he gets to that point. It is the theater portion that is usually lacking in the male’s performance.
For oral sex, it works essentially the same way we described ‘manual sex’. We make randomly selected touches on and around her vagina and clitoris then stimulate her with his lips and tongue.
She may use slang in a coaxing and non-dominating way to talk to him, “I need some kisses right here.” "Good for me, that's good." When she is confident enough to tell him or gently direct his face where she needs stimulation they will work as a team to build the random and rhythmic kissing, licking and gentle bumping motions needed to start her spontaneous movement and finally the spasms of orgasm. You can tell that she has had an orgasm when her vagina contracts a few times slightly, and she may direct your tongue, fingers or your penis into her vagina. She often gets a momentary layer of sweat and her clitoris becomes too sensitive to touch for a few seconds, as mentioned before. Gradually the male can then approach the clitoris again. If he kisses around the vagina and clitoris and then on the clitoris again he can cause her to have several more orgasms that don’t require nearly as much time or effort as the first one. She may want the male to lie on her back or spend some time licking her inside after she has had orgasms. Let her discover what allows her to enjoy her afterglow as long as she can make it last.
Oral sex is not safe until after STD or the background testing portion of a relationship is passed. Bodily fluids are almost always exchanged no matter what precautions are taken during oral sex. Exchanging fluids is critical to the act of satisfying oral sex, so if this is not appealing to an individual he or she should find someone else who feels the same way and avoid this sex act altogether. It is more cruel than most tortures to begin a relationship by implying that you may grow to like oral sex and then never meet your mate’s needs. Communicate this carefully with a potential mate because this author personally knows individuals who are not satisfied orally by their wives but stays with her out of a kind of loyalty that this author would never tolerate. This author has tolerated years of productive but lonely privacy between relationships rather than participating in sexually frustrating ones.
Oral sex brings up an important point about the understandings between sexual partners. It often occurs that a male or most often a female will make a comment such as, “We don’t need to do that because our sex is so good.” or “I satisfy you with what I do don’t I?” In the heat of a relatively satisfying moment an accommodating male may agree with a nod and find that his knee jerk agreement may end the possibility of sexual variety for years to come. This kind of obstruction to sexual happiness can be the product of generations of poor communication or just an incidental but binding comment.
This author knows a highly responsible and educated woman who held jobs that the nation depended on, but who had to sublimate her intelligence and competencies to a less educated husband. Some of their children witnessed years of her submitting to the husband’s macho ways and as a result, some daughters never want to be trapped like their Mother and find ways to negotiate and deceive their way out of having children or sexual variety with their husbands.
These next generation women find accommodating and polite husbands who tolerate their circular arguments. They sometimes find ways to mildly call attention to personal habits in their husbands (drinking, expensive nesting, feminine behavior, workaholic, poor hygiene and or poor fitness) which are then used as excuses for less sex. The sons in these kinds of families learn from witnessing the macho father as well. They can be so childish upon discovering their wives’ pregnancy that they will not change diapers and the child is carted off to his sisters as often as possible.
Males who are satisfied without oral sex are not likely to provide the female with much variety in sex or in life. They may not challenge the female to excel in other aspects of life. It’s worth practicing oral sex in your fantasies because any well-adjusted person will expect it sooner or later and fantasizing is step one.
For most hygienic individuals exchanging fluids is one of the incidentally beautiful parts of oral sex. After all it is ORAL SEX. Mouths encounter each other’s private parts. Going to bed without bathing should never be allowed so cleanliness should not be a problem. People get stinky and covered with deodorant, dust, pollution and pollen during the day, so clean up inside and out before you get close to each other. Males or females who have stained underwear should certainly not expect to receive oral sex. Stained underwear indicates that the owner does not know how to clean him or herself properly or that he or she is ill. Some women like short periods of kissing and sex with a man’s stubble to remind them they are with a man but to coax out an orgasm with any efficiency you need long enough facial hair to be soft or ideally a freshly shaven smooth face to dig in there.
Partners must be physically fit enough that the body parts they want to have orally manipulated should be appealing to their mate. The male must certainly be fit enough to make it appealing for the female to put her mouth on his penis and it is valuable to know that over-eating is one of the behaviors which, if allowed to become our life's passion, limits our ability to have other passions in life. In the same way that addictive drugs like alcohol or heroin excludes all other passions over time. Easily accessible pleasure foods change our bodies and therefore change our sexual expectations. Food can easily become our only pleasure excluding all others if we are not assertive, patient and persistent through the lonely times.
If overeating
is life's passion, it limits
All passions in life.
Most of the time oral sex is a present one partner gives to the other in turn. It will often be shared at the same time, but one individual usually has an orgasm and then receives the same treatment right after or at a later time. But there are few times in life where two individuals can release each other from the responsibilities of the world better than when they are licking and nursing each other’s most sensitive nerve endings at the same time. Time can pass unnoticed when you are intoxicated by mutual oral sex.
One of the important benefits of oral sex is the variety it can bring to a relationship. This is partly due to the convenience with which a clever female can perform it in a variety of locations. This can bring much enthusiasm from the male even in times of hardship. She can sit on the couch and nurse out an orgasm as he stands in front of her, she can lay on her back in bed and ask him to arch himself over her and carefully copulate straight down into her mouth or they can pull over safely to the side of the road and he kneels on the seat while she services him with gentle smacking sounds. Orally stimulated female orgasms can happen in a variety of locations too, but unusually located orgasms are usually accomplished manually with the same resulting gratefulness. For now, we are talking about fellatio.
There are two basic kinds of oral sex provided by the female. They are copulation, which is passive oral sex, and nursing, which is active oral sex. Both are needed to supply the variety a long-term relationship requires but both require some communicated understandings if they are to be completely satisfying for both partners. The male must extinguish old domination gestures and comments he may have acquired from pornography or past relationships. The female must develop some specific skills as well.
It is very hard for the male to have an orgasm if the female's teeth touch his penis during oral sex. Sadly, most women allow their teeth to touch their first mate or husband's penis and even their second boyfriend or husband. Most men will even injure their penis as they endure the pain just to see their partner perform oral sex on them. That is just how appealing oral sex is visually or even conceptually. Men can even permanently damage their nerve endings waiting for their wives to learn to perform oral sex without touching their teeth to his penis. If they have a third husband or partner most women mysteriously discover how to make oral sex pleasurable, or they settle for an individual who does not require oral sex. This author has been told by many married men how the contract of marriage can strip a woman of the motivation to learn this skill. Women may not take it upon themselves to make fellatio consistently tooth free because they have the nagging idea in the back of their head that they don’t have to. This author hopes that books like this will cause such women to learn for her own sake and the sake of her mates.
Unmarried, sexually active women often learn to enjoy oral sex much more quickly than married ones do. This author is very aware of the bad habits with which males persist, but we are addressing the issue of women giving oral sex right now. Females who learn this skill will have many less conflicts with their mate and much more leverage to assist with his problems.
It is also true that a female who acts upset about having to perform oral sex can inadvertently lead the sexual relationship to the dominance/submission cycle that is the death of long term relationships. Women who learn to enjoy giving oral sex learn to love everything about it very quickly.
If the female finds herself coughing uncontrollably for months after childbirth or if she is given any affliction, which interferes with her ability to perform orally, one might consider that the illness is of a somatic nature. This can be a psychological issue which is recognizable and treatable. In the same way that approximately some females make oral sex uncomfortable for their first mates, many also unconsciously develop illnesses or excuses, which will keep them from having to do something they could have more easily learned to love.
Any teacher knows how complicated a student's excuses and fake physical problems can develop over time and how the students can involve their parents, administrators and other class members in their hoax. Students and sexually obstructive women come to believe their excuses and often develop true illnesses, which were born out of their persistently faked ones. If such an individual has good insurance she can also have a doctor stating that the illness is real. Some doctors in any field of practice are unable to resist the temptation to be paid when an angry woman persists that her illness is real.
No matter how strong a person's feelings are for an individual, such as this author has just described, it is not worth continuing the relationship. Cut your losses and get out of the situation. Sometimes the person will learn from your leaving, but they will almost never learn from you. Even if you return after they have learned with someone else they will usually fall back into the old unsatisfying routine with you, and it is certainly not worth passing these kinds of psychological problems on to another generation by having children with them.
Other important parts of learning the skill of fellatio are enthusiasm, comments, momentum and gestures. His and her gestures of excitement and his comments that urge and tactfully direct her about what pleases him can be a huge part of the sex act. She will also be glad to hear what he wants when the information shortens the amount of time it takes to satisfy him. Remember how it was mentioned that inexperienced males can prolong some sex acts unnecessarily and need to be lovingly weaned of that destructive habit with honest communication.
If he is creative and careful he can stimulate himself during her performance of fellatio by using slang terms he associates with oral sex. It can stimulate the male to a great and quick orgasm if the female can allow herself to be stimulated by the male gratefully saying comments during the sex act such as, “You’re my precious dick sucker.” Or “Let me see your breasts while you suck on me.” Or, “Yes, do that again please and here it comes right now.” If he can't stop himself from becoming bossy or abusive then he is remembering inappropriate porn or bad relationships instead of enjoying the reality of the situation. Then you will need to use your anti-bossy sentence described earlier. However, he must be able to trust you to be objective about what is bossy as you are trusting him to be gratefully appreciative of your sexual gifts.
Clearly a female can’t make stimulating comments during oral sex, but her gestures and sounds are very valuable to the male. When she nods a “Yes” gesture to the male’s comments, that nod during the sex act becomes very intimate and stimulating as he sees and feels his penis leveraging in her mouth. When she smacks her lips on his penis, the popping motion and sound are extremely stimulating. With a sound it calls attention to the fact of what she is doing for him. Smacking sounds are associated with pleasing the male orally in adult cartoons, jokes and in the male's fantasy. Why not find a comfortable way to make it real for him? He can revel in the fact that he is getting a ‘blow job’ if his woman is smacking and cooing with her head moving in front of his groin. It can shorten the stamina of her performance, but it is a trade off because if he is mature enough to have the orgasm as quickly as he can, the smacking noises will shorten the time it takes for him to achieve that orgasm.
One of your sexual goals as an orally creative woman is to do the things which make it obvious that your mouth is on his penis or that any part of your body is giving pleasure to your man. When the female sounds “MMMMMMMM” as she swallows his ejaculation, it is exquisitely satisfying and reassuring for the male. Some immature males are somewhat embarrassed at the moment of orgasm until they are comforted by enough experience to leave that old habit behind. The things she says preceding and following the sex act are also much appreciated by the male as they reassure him in their experimentation.
If she initiates the sex act with slang, asking him slyly, “I’d like to eat some sperm if you’re into it.” “Let me suck your dick.” Or an inside joke, “I could sure use a snack about now.'' It is very stimulating for him. If, after the orgasm, she shyly or slyly wipes her mouth and makes a comment of satisfaction in a job well done, it is very satisfying to her man. She shouldn't be crude to be clever in most cases. She could say, “Thanks for the snack.” “That was a big one and good too.” Nastiness is tolerated but it’s usually an annoyance that may never be verbalized. This author knew an alcoholic who described the love of his life as being the nastiest woman he ever met but it was easy to see from his stories that she kept taking him back hoping for stability and finding his addiction to alcohol an obstacle which was completely invisible to him. He wasn’t experienced enough to know that what she was doing was average sex to most women and not naughty at all.
If naughtiness is your goal for the evening and you are in that kind of mood, another interesting possibility the female can have in her bag of tricks is that she can open her mouth and show her tongue in an attractive way to let him see the ejaculation before she swallows it. Then she could say something very evocative like, “Was it as big as it seemed?” The more variety she uses in her comments the tighter the bond she creates with her mate. Other comments could include, “I had to move too much that time, next time I’m just going to lay back and let you fuck me in the mouth.”
This brings up the difference between passive and active fellatio. The female’s comments before and after oral sex can set up her preference of which kind she would like to perform or let him know how much she wants to participate this time. She could say, “Let me fuck myself in the mouth with your dick.” Or “Let me be your pussy mouth and I'll just lie here.” All this is icing on the cake if the couple has the privacy and years together to play with words they are unlikely to use in public.
In any case fellatio requires that the male have an orgasm as quickly as possible, so the woman doesn't get tired. It requires that he limit the depth of penetration to her comfort level, but it is also necessary that she become comfortable allowing the head into her mouth because the equivalent to the female's clitoris on a man is the area about an inch or so below the head and underneath his penis. That is the area, which must be stimulated with her lip or tongue for an orgasm to occur. Remember that, quite often couples will find much of their sex play will not end in an orgasm after they are past the initial newness with each other’s bodies. Get used to just holding each other’s privates while you watch TV or as you fall to sleep. Why wouldn’t you?
There are a great many similarities between the needs of men and women. She can have teeth or beard stubble distracting her from her orgasm and he needs her to learn to smoothly drag the skin with her fingers or mouth when she is working out his orgasm. She must learn to keep the full head in her mouth, especially when the head is so hypersensitive during and shortly after he has an orgasm the same way she needs him to stay away from the clitoris for a short time after she comes. In the same way that most women want to feel penetration of their vaginas immediately after an orgasm, men want the feeling of their penises penetrating as deep as possible after an orgasm. To accomplish this, the head must be touched as little as possible as she wraps her fist around his penis at the base, so it feels like it is all the way in something. Then she gently coaxes out the last drops of his ejaculation by dragging her fist, still wrapped around his penis toward the head.
If she presses her lips more tightly around his penis after he is done, he can feel that feeling of depth and the feeling of being inside something. That feeling of clearly being inside something is what he wants to feel after an orgasm and if she needs to grip the penis with her fist or pointer finger and thumb at its base to accomplish that then she should do it. The moments after the orgasm are the most intoxicating and valuable to the woman as a bonding tool. When she can make her mate comfortable and satisfied in those moments she has extraordinary power in the relationship. Many males present a challenge at these crucial moments because of misguided guilt feelings acquired earlier in life. The woman can greatly improve her mate's life by gradually associating orgasms with pleasure or by directly stating something like, "Relax and enjoy it.", "It's OK." "Good job."
She should wait with his penis as deep as she is comfortable for at least a minute or so while his spasms subside and as he calms himself and drains into her mouth. When the couple are comfortable looking into each other’s eyes after he is finished, that is a powerful indicator that you have a bond which will survive most obstacles.
Momentum is an important concept to successful oral or manual sex for the man or the woman. The female can make her task much longer and more complicated by stopping the motions which produce the orgasm. If she gets her mate worked up and he is about to have an orgasm and she suddenly switches from a steady nursing motion to licking the head, she will lose some or all the time she spent before that and must begin again. She is usually unaware of this because inexperienced men would rather receive a long performance until he finally realizes why she gets tired and gives up before the orgasm.
It is helpful to think of the momentum aspect of oral sex in terms of a thermometer. The mercury rises and if you are unconsciously afraid of the ejaculation you may switch from a satisfying hand pumping and mouth smacking technique to an equally satisfying grinning into his eyes as you lick his testicles. As exciting and necessary as variety is at the beginning of the sex act, a consistent involving movement which creates the feeling of deeper gentle (or occasionally) enthusiastic pumping, is needed to cause his involuntary orgasm spasms to build to completion. If the female does need to rest her mouth she can keep the momentum with her hand if she makes the pumping motions equally stimulating. In short, there is no replacement for loving, steady and usually gentle mouth movements. Subtle variations are helpful but try to do nothing that will distract your man from his psychological/physiological task of orgasm.
This author has taken it for granted that women know that swallowing the ejaculation is the only way to be comfortable enough with fellatio to make it completely satisfying for the male. Aside from the fact that the experienced male is flattered by the woman’s acceptance of his bodily fluid, she can never be a natural oral sex partner if she is waiting to defend herself from the gushing surprise. Her movements are always less than satisfying if she is concentrating on the avoidance of his ejaculation rather than concentrating on stimulating the nerve endings on his skin and creating the feeling or illusion of depth with her oral cavity and lips.
He will not mind if the first ejaculations you swallow are immediately followed by a drink of something that you keep near you for that purpose. But you will find that after a very short time you will crave his fluid like a nursing calf. It also quickens his orgasm if your facial expression looks like you are waiting expectantly for and you really want to eat his ejaculation. It’s one of life’s tragedies that so many women use their influence or cleverness to avoid this satisfying part of sharing life with their man.
Stimulating variety such as this goes a long way to making a male feel that his mate is committed, especially if this kind of behavior helps the couple excitedly through the challenging child rearing years.
If the female does not want to have oral sex she should provide an alternate sex act. In the contemporary world it is cruel and unnecessary to limit your healthy mate sexually. There are few things that are more self-destructive to a relationship or a woman’s personal growth than to create the guilt/brooding cycle that so many women use to escape from the behavior they could have easily have learned to love.
In the same way that poor parents cling to and defend their poor or negligent child rearing skills, a woman can spend her life secretly protecting herself from the most beautiful shared moments she could have had with her husband.
A long relationship will provide enough intimate moments for the female to use every single part of her body to stimulate him to an orgasm. He can rub his penis between her feet, breasts, buttocks, shoulder blades, knees, armpits or directly on her face, nipples, neck, back, lips, hair, ears, or anywhere on her skin. But if she practices oral sex often and well, it can become an important bond that will keep the male from feeling trapped, especially after children are born into the family.
In summary, oral sex for him should happen as often as she sees that he has an erection and they have privacy, even if it is just a prelude to other sex or stimulation without an orgasm. His comments, hygiene and gestures must be absolutely without a hint of bossiness. He should enjoy the excitement of freeing and giving his penis to her knowing that she wants to satisfy him in this way. She should be as noisy as is comfortable for her with smacking and cooing. The couple should be comfortable enough to look into each other's eyes for at least part of the performance and it may be stimulating for him to see and or touch her breasts and/or her naked body throughout the blow job. She may start with vigorous motion but quickly settle into loving gentle smacking just like French kissing with a grateful sound from her as she receives his ejaculation. It is a good habit to occasionally let him see how much you received by showing him in an attractive way. As she swallows she should make a satisfied sound. She should then lick off the dripping remainder with care or enthusiasm and suck gently to get any sperm that is left inside.
If you have reached the tested and trusting level of your relationship, it is one of the most exciting things a woman can do to catch the ejaculation in her open mouth and swallow it. Some inexperienced males are so used to masturbating they may need this to have the first few orgasms together. Her lack of experience with him can contribute to the need for him to finish himself off and direct it into her mouth. Manual ejaculations on the other hand can be caught orally for display, and when a couple is comfortable with this practice they can be confident that they have a very trusting relationship. Coy comments/gestures, descriptions of the amount she received and/or ideas about what she wants to do to improve are always appreciated before, after and secretly in public.
Women will often find that men seem to want oral sex at the most inopportune time, but the nature of fellatio is that it is convenient so please take this into consideration before you destroy an important bonding moment. It’s important for every woman to know why she should make a special effort to say yes and make their mate have an orgasm. If they do it just before they go out or have visitors for an evening together it can pacify a nervous mate. When you have dressed up for any event it is very disappointing to tell your man that you don't want to muss yourself before you leave. You have made yourself look more attractive than usual and you both know that there are easy ways for you to please him without undressing. In fact, it adds to the whole event to have you put your lipstick on again after your fancy dressed self has given him the thrill he loves. Who else is going to dress up for him and give him a blow job? Only you! So please never miss this opportunity. Check out the BJ Blues by Safely Limitless
There is no question that penis vaginal sex is the most pleasant kind of sex for most females. Even the most passive and unresponsive women indicate in some way that penetration is satisfying for them if they are naturally lubricated with previous stimulation or artificially lubricated with KY.
Coitus is one of the roles they have always been told to expect and they have usually had many years to anticipate or practice it in their thoughts. So, it is during penis vaginal sex that it is most valuable to participate in the female’s fantasies and rituals surrounding sex. To begin with its simplest form, the woman wants something in her vagina when she has an orgasm. This author contends that all the hype about the G spot may be propaganda to meet this need to have something in there when she comes. They want something in their vagina when they come and if possible, they would like for it to be the penis. Rubbing the male's groin against her clitoris is not a dependable source of orgasm, so confusion and controversy has developed over the centuries about meeting the woman's needs.
No matter how you paint it the clitoris must be stimulated with the same combination of random and then careful repetitive motions, but fingers can be as satisfying as a penis at that moment of orgasm, if that is what she has practiced enjoying. Just like masturbation, you train yourself to be satisfied with what you have at that point in your life whether you are a male or a female, alone or a couple trying to have children or not. Women who are not inhibited find that they want something filling them up when they can and even with rocking horse humping in missionary position this author has had more luck with orgasms doing it with his mouth and then jumping in with fingers or my penis.
Every man knows that women want romance and most men want to fill this desire as often as possible. When it’s time for coitus it is a good time to play into the theater she likes. If you don’t think your mate is worth the planning and organization it takes to put on a little show for her at least once a month, then you are not really into her enough to keep her happy.
The average male who is overly involved with work thinks that he is continually wooing his mate by bringing home the money that contributes to the household and nest. It takes some convincing, but he can learn to stop work for a few minutes on Wednesday and call around to find a maid service, a babysitter, and or family members to free up some time on the weekend to escape into the bedroom, a nearby motel, camp ground or a spa. If you can manage more than one night of freedom, spend the whole first evening and night treating her like a princess: Plan for her to have plenty of private time in the bathroom or spa, treat her to a meal and going out to do whatever she loves, take her home and give her a long bath with candles. Perhaps finish the bath with a shower in which you join her. Gently wash every inch of her with a soft soapy washcloth. Spend extra time on her feet and back. If at any time she becomes amorous, oblige her with kisses or penetration where she requests it.
You know your capabilities so don’t waste your orgasm in the shower if you know you will tire out after it. Most individuals will be able to have an extended penis-vaginal encounter later in the evening if they let the woman suck one out in the shower. In this case it will only benefit the woman to give him an orgasm before coitus, but be realistic because you don’t want to ruin her weekend with a premature ejaculation if you don't have more than one to give.
When it is time for bed make sure the room doesn't remind her of responsibilities. Make sure that you or the maid service have everything spick and span, so she can relax. Don’t even take it for granted that you will have sex, but don’t play into any established sex power play. Give her every opportunity to become aroused. Just give her a good massage with her favorite music and smells as you remind her about the good things that you two have been through. Get her started talking and let her go with it while you pet or comb her hair, gently chew on her bottom or rub your smoothly shaved face into her stomach. Direct any unpleasant topics to pleasant subjects saying, “This is your time to get away from those things and think about our incredible possibilities.” Or “Let’s pretend those negative subjects just don’t matter tonight because we are going to fix them somehow like we always do.” You both need chances to organize your thoughts and sometimes one of you will have to plan to be the one who redirects you both to a happier state of mind.
If she is on the pill or you are ready to have a child that means that there is no lubricant or anti pregnancy device to interfere with the couple alternating from oral to coitus and back again. If you have already given her an orgasm it is very satisfying for the woman and the man to alternate between the sixty-nine position and penis-vaginal sex until he is about to have an orgasm. Then he moves his penis to her mouth to have his orgasm or he ejaculates in her vagina. Some women say they like the feeling of ejaculation in their vagina but unless you both have good careers and a network of friends and family to help you raise kids you should wait for that pleasure.
This author is very independent, so it is hard for me to imagine why any individual would give up their privacy and the possibility of new romance unless you have dedicated your lives to having children together.
If you are trying to have a child, it is one of life’s most exciting moments when you have the orgasm into her vagina and you are both wondering if this time is the one when your sperm makes its way to the egg. You can even promote this by making her have an orgasm shortly after you have your orgasm inside her. Video evidence has proven that the cervix extends and dips into the area where the sperm pools in the vagina when she has an orgasm. This allows the sperm access to the opening in the cervix and shortens its journey into the uterus. If the male is overly concerned about incidental sperm reaching his mouth during cunnilingus it is contrary to his goal to have children and he should get over it. One of my college girlfriends asked me to kiss off the ejaculation which somehow ended up on her shoulder. I have always felt badly that I didn’t feel comfortable tasting something I expected her to taste most days. Since then I have never had a problem avoiding a mess by catching and ingesting my own protein between girlfriends. As offended as I am about men’s sexual advances toward me I don’t find any stigma associated with this efficient practice. I’m sure Mary will get a chuckle out of reading this after all these years.
This author has never been able to dependably make a female have an orgasm using his penis alone. Due to his considerable experience with women he feels confident that oral and/or manual sex are probably the most common and dependable ways to give a healthy female the orgasms she deserves and needs. As mentioned earlier, it is easier to make a female have orgasms shortly after the first one of the evening, so it is shortly after the oral or manually produced orgasms that the penis vaginal orgasms are most likely to occur. This could be valuable when you are trying to get pregnant.
If she has been faking penis-vaginal orgasms due to popular societal pressures you will have to work that out with communication. The combinations of authentic romantic events that the male or the female can create to add to her pleasure with coitus are endless and the variety is what keeps people in love/trust. Here are some examples which could add variety to a penis vaginal encounter.
Coitus may take place immediately after she has been given an orgasm orally or manually and so she is already spread eagle and waiting.
Penis vaginal sex can take place after a good wrestle and you have found yourselves on the floor and laughing in a mass of bedding.
You may find yourself amorous at the same time on his day off when you have dropped the kids at school and you take the minivan to the local state park.
One of you may start the other off while the kids are napping on a lazy Sunday.
A new couple may use a condom and spermicides in her dorm room.
An old couple may do it with her leaning over the kitchen table before breakfast.
Anyone may have the longest copulation of their lives in a swimming pool late at night.
Last but certainly not least, a couple may have every kind of sex on their wedding night to prove to each other that they are there to please the other. Then, after a bath and a rest, he rolls on to her in an automatic bout of kissing and they don’t even notice that their genitals have combined.
It should not be any surprise that any couples who stay together for any length of time will discover that the woman has another opening with which they can entertain themselves. With the advent of condoms and good hygiene there is no longer a safety issue for individuals who have been responsible about STD testing. Anal sex takes more preparation to make it hygienic, the same way a woman must prepare her vagina after her menstrual period. But even after a thorough clean up back there, they will need condoms, or the male is very likely to have stomach cramps and could do permanent damage to his internal organs.
If the female is going to do something special and rinse herself inside so thoroughly that he can sometimes go without a condom into her bottom it would be truly appreciated by the male. That might be an excellent birthday or holiday present, but you are still taking a risk. But he won’t mind using a condom to access the least used opening and you can learn about incentives from this one sex act that the man can easily be convinced to perform the illusive hour long back rub if the woman has lubricated him, put a condom on him and invited him to keep his penis in her bottom for the duration of the massage.
Most women who wait until a responsible age to have children discover this extremely pleasurable form of lovemaking. They also discover the overwhelming happiness and gratefulness it brings out of their mate.
Every female learns early on that men want variety in their lives unless they have that need humiliated out of them. Men want to feel appreciated and to feel that their mate has something special for them. Men sometimes want to put their penis in someplace with more muscle control like a mouth or their anus. Men adore the primitive bottom up posture that has attracted our most ancient ancestors. Men appreciate the commitment and effort needed for their female to give them variety in sex.
At any grocery store a woman can buy what she needs to flush out her bottom if she wants to be that thorough. She does so in the privacy of the bathroom several times when she is preparing to provide her man with a surprise, or she can let her sweetheart know it's a good time for it, after she has recently been to the toilet naturally and then cleaned up in the bath or shower. A pleasant, scented bath is always nice too. Your bottom can be as clean and attractive as your lips.
Next, she can add to the fulfillment of her man’s fantasies by playfully initiating the act with slang comments that she has taken care to discover are the most stimulating for him. “I need my bottom massaged.” “Come here and put your dick in me anywhere you want to.” "You deserve a quick one in the butt." If your man can be honest with you, almost any time you allow him to choose the orifice he wishes he will choose your bottom because it is usually the least used and therefore the highest interest.
The variety of positions for anal sex is as numerous as any other sex act. Your goal, as in all sex, is to completely fulfill his fantasies. Then, if he is fair, as a by-product he will be motivated to fulfill your fantasies. Probably the most appealing anal fantasy for most men is to get on the edge of the bed or backwards in a soft chair with your bottom up at the right height for his groin. No matter how out of shape you think you are, your mate will usually respond with an erection. This primal pose is a sure stimulator, once he understands what is going on.
Ask him to go get some lubricant and a condom or have it next to you. The visual image of you waiting for anal sex will drive him crazy even if he doesn't show it the first time. You may need to instruct him to lubricate your bottom and his penis, to put on the condom and then lubricate it too. Reach back and hold your bottom open and aim him in if you wish. Find out over time if he likes the assistance.
According to the size of his penis you may need to let him know he will have to take his time putting it in. After you have adjusted your opening to the size of his penis as it enters he can move in and out carefully until you adjust and become comfortable. Finally, he can hold your hips or shoulders and pump your bottom just as if he were in your vagina.
This is one time you can really use slang to its greatest effect because your mouth doesn't have a penis in it and there are endless combinations of comments to stimulate a man who is entering you anally. “I love you to enjoy fucking my ass.” “I want to give you everything you want.” The list is endless. The more original the slang comments said with some modesty and enthusiasm the more you will be providing him with relationship strengthening memories. Sounds that are associated with the anal penetration are also very welcome. Sounds of quiet grunting or “nnnhhhhhh” sounds let him know you are going out of your way for him or call attention to the position you are in. If he doesn't want to waste the orgasm in your bottom and condom, have a good bath together and let him enjoy his orgasm wherever he wants it later.
There is no reason you couldn't prepare yourself as often as he likes and let him discover for himself when he has had too much. This will almost guarantee that he will never feel trapped and he will be excited to come home every day. It’s not even that he would be tempted anyway. But he has heard of anal sex and he wonders why you haven’t addressed it as a couple if you haven’t.
If you have kids who need your constant observation you can set up a place to observe them through curtains while he is behind you enjoying your bottom. Why should child rearing interfere with meeting you and your husband’s needs? Why shouldn't you always fulfill his fantasies? Why can’t you always be his fantasy woman? You can be.
Before I finish the topic of anal sex I need to address the issue of horny frustrated men and women. A girlfriend of mine mentioned that she liked anal sex to a fellow employee when she was a little tipsy at a holiday party for the staff. The other women had been quite cruel about her not being married which partially motivated her competitive sharing such personal information. But the cat was out of the bag and the promise not to share the information was not kept. In fact the fellow employee shared the sexy information with my girlfriend’s boss and my girlfriend didn’t know this breach of trust had been made until she informed me that her boss kept finding situations to be alone with her. Her boss kept making unrelated comments my girlfriend didn’t recognise as suggestive because her boss had to be careful of the laws about Quid Pro Quo Harassment. But when she described how flustered and crowding he was being with her I asked if she thought he was trying to hit on her. After some conversation it came out that she mentioned anal sex at a christmas party. I suggested that her boss had been apprised of the confession and he was hinting to get her to make some similar confession or even a subtle implication about a subject which most men don’t teach women to enjoy the way I have. She didn’t believe her boss could be so juvenile.
It’s sad but true that if an inexperienced woman offhandedly mentions liking a sexual experience that inexperienced people consider rare it can become an obsession. This is another simple but ridiculous issue created by the lack of sex education. At present sex information is different between women and men. Until sex is taught about how stupid men behave when they think they know something edgy, women have to recognize between experienced and inexperienced men.
Women who have had a normal sexual relationship and experienced the variety of ways to enjoy safe non bossy sex, have to be extremely careful about mentioning enjoyment of sex in situations where inexperienced people might hear.
An inexperienced secretary or nurse might seek a strategic edge in an office by mentioning to an inexperienced boss and cause years of ridiculous suggestive comments.
Some inexperienced men will ruin careers just to hear the experienced woman say that she likes anal sex. Testosterone-driven inexperienced male bosses can become obsessive and trap an experienced woman, pressuring her with ridiculous feigned nonchalant gestures and conversations just to hear the mention of something he hasn't experienced himself.
Women need to help the world and demystify sex for the public so young people won't miss their opportunity to have safe and orgasm filled relationships. But experienced women have to remember that inexperienced men are like time bomb sharks who roll their eyes back for the kill and may ruin their career or the career of the experienced woman just because of the lack of information society doesn’t share objectively or effectively about sex.
You are not using each other when you are satisfying as the only source of sex. You ARE eachother’s only source of sex. Why wouldn't you make him happy letting him kiss your body anywhere he wants to if he wants to while you’re both watching TV? Find a time every single day for some kind of sexual stimulation, no matter how brief, then give him his orgasm if he wants one or just give him the sexual stimulation that will reassure him orally, manually, vaginally or anally. Maybe all he will want is five to thirty minutes a day of variety taken from your shared 10 hours of work, 24 hours of child rearing and 2 hours of housekeeping. He knows how hard you work but it is hard to be objective when the person you want to have sex with is walking around in front of you and won't give a quickie orgasm or stimulation at least once a day.
He is almost always going to want to have sex more often than you. Humans evolved that way to keep the species alive, but we are also evolved enough to use sex to keep your couple state unified.
Maybe he will want the same thing at the same time for years and then move on to something else for a month. Women should let men know just how often he should surprise you with the romantic events that you crave but give him his fantasy sex every day and you can rest assured that you have a wing on which to float above most of present day marriages.
At some point most men will suggest some sex act which is dangerous to the relationship. This is usually a result of pornography. As mentioned earlier, a firm but loving statement will always end the urge peacefully such as, "I love pleasing you but having a third party participate or anything where you act angry or bossy would ruin sex for us, in the long run and I want to fuck you in every hole forever."
A man may consider himself to be the luckiest man on earth if he can jump back into bed after his shower every morning and be able to depend on a loving mouthing with his choice of orgasm or not. A more experienced man will wake his woman with a warm moist washcloth on her eyes each day. A young couple might have a period when she could fulfill his fantasy if she will establish her morning routine before his, so she can use the toilet and shower before he has his turn in the bathroom. Maybe the best fit for their schedule allows her to give him a quick sucking or anal in mornings with his choice of orgasm or not.
If daily quickies seem oppressive it may be because you don't have one to depend on each day. It is also likely that you don't want to be inconvenienced, even to improve your sex life. Anyone who does have a reassuring routine of daily stimulation will tell you that they would miss and crave it almost superstitiously if they are forced to have an episiotomy during childbirth, for instance. You would find they will return to their routine as soon as they can. Or they would also purposefully replace their routine sex with something else their mate wanted until they can fall into the comfort of their loving routine. Routines that constantly challenge you to excellence and make you feel you and your mate are lucky, are routines that are worth the time it takes to get used to them.
That is not to say that the daily routine replaces the spontaneity described earlier in this book. Spontaneous sex is much improved if the sexual dialogue is maintained with daily quickies. This author cannot make you have happy sex/communication with your mate. Only you can break your routines and include your mate's fantasies. A relationship can be all you both want it to be. Decide before you commit yourself for the long run because poorly chosen mates can steal years of your life.
The kind of variety described in this book and the trust required to maintain that variety are enough to revitalize a relationship which is floundering. It can coax individuals to build their mental and physical fitness together, so they can squeeze as much out of life as they possibly can. This author thinks the adage is true that “we don’t stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing”.
This author has been very lucky to meet many people and to get to know more than most. In his work, as a member of a large family and as the other half of a great many valuable monogamous relationships there are few experiences to which this author cannot relate. Hoping to keep this book valuable to the majority the variety is kept to an amount which is not too challenging or to tame. Judge from this attempt to share sexy good will, if this book is worth sharing with family and friends.
The main idea of this book is to elaborate on the phrase ‘You have to work at your marriage’ to be a good citizen. Most individuals who use the phrase don't go into enough detail about the beautiful differences between men and women and almost none assert the idea that people can save the world by motivating their mate. This explanation is written by a man for men and women who want to know what a man can want. He can want exciting variety that will please the woman and he does want sexual simulation every day. The man very definitely is driven by his testosterone to want more sex than the woman until the woman gets her wakeup call in her forties and her body changes to a new purpose. By this time the man can have been trained with subtle humiliation or by means of his loyalty and is often unable to become the assertive lover she wants at that later time of her life. Traditional, out of sync sex drives are easily overcome when both the male and the female's needs are met as soon as possible in their relationship.
When the female is sure the male can be trusted to make every attempt to assist her with the security of a healthy and forward moving family, she must then be trusted to provide total enthusiastic access to the bliss that she arouses in him every moment she can be sensed or remembered by him. He is aroused by you approximately every 18 seconds and when even minimal privacy allows the opportunity for minimal sexual contact that should be a cherished opportunity by the woman to reward and motivate her mate. If she doesn't think her man deserves the ‘inconvenience’ of both replacing his masturbation and letting him know exactly what will make her sexually fulfilled, then she is not enthusiastic enough about him to make it through the inevitable challenges that will come from within and outside their relationship.
At one extreme we might imagine a poor and grossly overweight couple reading this book and then the male begins to walk or jog the outer perimeter of the back yard calling to his wife, "I'm starting now to get in better shape for you, for my career, and for our fantastic future together." The woman runs to him, knocking him to the ground, in the fenced back yard bringing him to an orgasm by any means necessary. She’s saying, "Let me know when and where you want it, and nothing will stop me from showing how I appreciate you any time forever."
Then consider the opposite extreme of two wealthy and svelte go-getters whose schedules have not crossed in days when he calls her at lunch to say, "If you have a moment I would like to tell you how happy I am that we are working together on our, out of control life and I would not work my life away for anyone else on this earth but you? Imagine the woman on the other end of that line asking him to move to the restroom or some private place in his office while she talks him through three minutes of the most variety filled phone sex that she can dream up. She ends with, "Wake me or kiss me anytime of the day or night and I will do anything your heart desires for the rest of your life."
I intended for this book to explain how individuals can learn about the skills and trust required to fulfill our personalized visions, so every single person can be adored and appreciated. I would also like to suggest that if you and your mate are fit enough for mutual oral stimulation (69), why aren't you doing it now?
My Venmo ID is @JoeBroome Donate what you can.
Introduction
A List of Challenges
Be Honest with Your Response to Any Issue
What we must contend with before we all get what we want
Liberal/Conservative Cultures and Plagues
Think like a team
Use the power of nature
Team Up
Don't fight the power of nature
The Author mades Mistakes
Sex Can Save The World
Go someplace where you can get what you need
Bossiness is the Death of Relationships
COMMUNICATION IS THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING
Tests are Bossy (Death of Relationships)
GIVE
The Sequence of Sex Acts
More on bossiness
Bending over backwards
A Sex Palette to get us through the hard times
Silent Instantaneous Agreements
Kissing
Manual Sex
Manual Sex for Him
Sexy Talk
Manual Sex for Her
Preview of Oral Sex for Her
Oral Sex for Her
Oral Sex for Him
Pleasing Him Requires Preparation for You Both
Sexy Talk and Actions for Him
Valuable Male Afterglow
Don't Throw Away Your Good Work by Pausing
Swallow, For Goodness Sake
Penis-Vaginal Sex
Anal Sex
Your Satiated Enthusiasm Is What Your Relationship and the World Needs!
Thank You!
This author is clearly not a doctor and only passes on personal experiences and antidotes with the hope of making this dangerous world a better place in his first book. If some part of this book offends you and you are sure you know a better way to make the world safe and fun. Please write your own book and send me a copy. I am truly excited to learn, and very grateful for anything new you have to share.
Issues to address
Endocrine society Consistent, Persistent and Insistent
